Friday, December 21, 2007

Pre-Game Mea Culpas

Chef spent the morning reviewing menus and culinary notes from the 2007 season and stumbled across several unfortunate omissions. After consulting with his Who Dat spiritual advisors, Chef believes that he must cleanse himself of these errors before completing this weekend's crucial Wild Card worthy menu.

So, here goes. I'm sorry . . .

1. . . . that a 1978 eighth-grade graduate of St. Rose de Lima (Raphael) received full credit for the "Bulger-In-Your-Pants Vienna Sausage" appetizer when a fellow St. Rose de Lima alumnus (Coach K.) first suggested the dish.
Penance: Chef buys Coach K. a cold beer and a $6 trifecta box at the Fairgrounds.

2. . . . that the High Priestess of the newly formed Krewe of Brid (Mary Hogan) received full credit for the Who Dat Rosary, when the Divine Words were clearly a collaborative effort between the High Priestess and Original Bridgette (Katherine Hogan), with the younger Hogan leading the way. (see letter to Chef below)

Penance: Chef invites all Who Dats to the debut march of the Krewe of Brid on Friday, Janaury 11 at 6 p.m. on Harrison Ave. between Orleans and Canal in Lakeview. Beers on Chef.

3. . . . that only 1/4 of menu suggestions actually make their way onto the Cafe 641 menu. Mad respect to all those who scour the far ends of depth charts of the weekly Saints opponent for dish ideas. And much love to those culinary giants with standing reservations at Galatoire's who submit fine dining dishes. If Chef were preparing a menu for the Superdome's Club level or for fans with encyclopedic knowledge of NFL rosters, no doubt we'd see more of these dishes on the menu. But, since we reside in the upper reaches of the Upper Terrace, we attempt to strike a balance between mascot-inspired dishes, roasts of key players, and repeated references to Rocky Mountain Oysters. If your dish didn't make it, revise and re-submit.
Penance: Chef will drink a ladle-full of Nacho Libre's finest whiskey for every item you submit that does not appear on the weekly menu.

Chef -
I must confess and beg your attention to a small but important detail regarding The Saints Rosary's provenance.
It was, in fact, penned with the assistance of Original Bridgette Katherine.
A lot of assistance.
In fact, I have to confess that Original Bridgette Katherine was responsible for at least if not more than 50% of the creative work.
The divine words were visited upon the two of us in a miraculous moment of mother-daughter bonding, so rare beyond the toddler years. I say a prayer of gratitude and hope every Sunday (sometimes Monday) to the Saints, the Coach and Fair Rita for bringing us together.
Original Bridgette Katherine and I do hope that Who Dat's around the Dome are similarly inspired by the divine words and join us in loud rejoicing and MAKE-SOME-NOISE.
Who Dat!
Mary Hogan
High Priestess, Krewe of Brid
debut march: 6p, Friday, Janaury 11, Harrison Ave. in Lakeview

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

5 Easy Steps for Preparing Eagle

Step 1. With a swift, repetitive karate motion, beat the bird senseless.
Step 2. Remove all feathers and set aside for table decor, ritualistic acts of victory, and future voodoo dolls.
Step 3. Separate head and fill entire body cavity with bourbon. Let set for three hours. Extract bourbon for an after-dinner Eagle Drowned in Bourbon cocktail.
Step 4. Fillet Eagle into long green strips.
Step 5. Open Leideheimer's french loaf and place Eagle strips inside.


Have more savory Eagle dishes? The Cafe menu board opens . . . now (and Donovan McNabb feels a little left out after missing both 2006 Eagles menus).

Monday, December 17, 2007

Protect Our House

For the third time in two years, Philly's Green Legion is making bold claims about invading New Orleans. You may remember a staggering mass entering Gate C last October.

Any of the following make you wanna get your drink on next Saturday on Bourbon Street?

"To set ourselves apart from everyone else, as usual, there will be a plethora of social activities! In other words, many opportunities once again for you to get drunk!" OR

"We will have the 2nd Annual Green Legion Big Easy Bar Crawl to include the same bars as before…Bourbon Cowboy, Utopia, Razzoo, and BBC (Bourbon Street Blues Company). Also, like last year, we will have the "UN"Official Pep Rally Party at BBC that Saturday night! Interesting little change for the tailgate party this year! One of my favorite places to go on Bourbon Street and part of our crawl - This years location…RAZZOO!!!" OR

"Since Razzoo is our tailgate location, they are now also the starting point for this year's parade! For those of you who do not know, last year, we marched with the Eagles Pep Band and a high school marching band from Bourbon Street to the Superdome. We had Revelers, Stilt Walkers, and Big Head Dancers. We must have picked up 2,500 more Eagles fans on the way to the stadium! This year, if you were part of the original 500, I know you will be back. If you weren't, hop on a real trip and be a part of history. The street will be closed down for this party SO NO ONE CAN BOTHER US!"

Maybe we should just ask Supa Saint to escort them down Poydras on Sunday.

Photo by Deep Fried Kudzu

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Earned It

No reason to waste time celebrating this victory. Let the Who Dats get back to work for next Sunday's Feast o' Eagles.

Awright. What the hell. Chef will take a second to wave the champagne around a little:

* This design from Saintseester was distributed on buttons today in the Cafe because they've earned it in 2007.

* Chef's boy Kooky Kajun was none too happy when his Cardinal menu suggestions didn't make their way onto today's menu. But he quickly Earned It by opening up the Philly Menu Board in the first quarter of today's game. He handed over the following, already printed out. Vote on your favorite dish here:
Reno Mahe Mahi
Kevin Korn on the Kolb
Marcus Paschal Lamb
Takeo Spikes Da Punch
Thomas Chicken Tapeh
Nick Chocolate-Covered Grahams
Hank's Bread Baskett
Green Akers and Ham

* The Cocktail Chef offered up a successful version of the classic Cajun gridiron cheer: "Hot boudin. Cold cous-cous. C'mon Saints. Push. Push. Push."

* Nacho Libre poured savory bourbon from his wine skin flask on every defensive stop, every point scored, and sometimes every other play.

* The Dirty Dog returned to the Cafe.

* The Cafe posed for it's annual Christmas picture. To be posted soon.

Oh yeah. We're now accepting suggestions for our final bird-themed menu.

This Is Why We Hot

Thanks Scott Fujita, father of newborn girls Isabell and Delilah. You reminded the Chef of why he's up at 6 a.m. on gameday, combing out his mustache, doing deep knee-bends, and drinking straight vodka. Your video clip "greatest fan moment" is a reminder of why we stay for four quarters in the Cafe.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Larry Fitzgerald Needs (more) Action

Arizona receiver Larry Fitzgerald contacted Cafe 641 through his agent yesterday with the following request:
"Matt Leinart and Old Man Jorts aren't the only things that make this team go. Can a star receiver get a little action, please?"

Chef Who Dat apologized for the menu omission, reminding Fitzgerald that Cafe 641, like the star receiver himself, is an equal opportunity lover.

With that, Chef pledged at least one dish in Fitzgerald's honor for Sunday's game against the Cardinals and now welcomes all contributions in Fitzgerald's name.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Matt Leinart Is Jealous

The Arizona Republic reported today that injured Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart is fuming on the sideline. Not over missed playing time and Kurt Warner's passer rating. But over reports that Warner may upstage him in the Dec. 16 Cafe 641 Cardinals menu.

Leinart denied any jealousy in the following statement distributed by his agent:
"Paris Hilton posed in a club for me. Brittney Spears lost her friggin' mind, hair, and underwear when I told her, 'No thank you.' And I'm supposed to be jealous of an aging Arena Football great who wears jorts? I think not."

Chef Who Dat made a snap decision to include Leinart on the Cafe 641 menu, provided that the internet Who Dats created passable Laguna Beach Leinart dishes.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Kurt Warner Wants You! (to contribute to this week's menu)

What's that, Kurt Warner? You hungry? Really? Six wins haven't got you full yet?

Well, you're always welcome to leave your fish at the door and check out our Cafe 641 Sunday Brunch menu.

Heard that your boy Honey Nut Boldin Graham might show up on it. And your old-school punter, too. A little Blackened Mitch Berger. Maybe a marinated Warner Wing.

Stay tuned, Kurt. And try to get ahold of some new jorts. Tim Tebow might have a pair for you.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Road Kill Never Tasted So Good

"The Saints spent Monday night at the Georgia Dome picking over the remains of a dead team, enjoying the taste of the Falcons' carcass decidedly more than they've enjoyed being nibbled on the majority of the season."

Thanks John DeShazier, Times-Picayune columnist. You understand the beauty of Saints food analogies, for sure.

But Chef was holding down his own Cafe 641 test kitchen, last night brah. Ordered Muffalconettas from Chicken Sue's on West Harrison Ave., then cooked up his own Dirty Bird Rice, and served them all with a mixed drink: The Bloody Falcon.

With the short practice week, it's back to the test kitchen tonight for more work on birds. Your assignment? Matt Leinart & Co. are on the menu board. And it's open every day this week.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

A simpler life.

Remember when the Saints were 0-0. Or 4-4.

Yeah, Chef doesn't either.

But his futile attempt to recall a time when life was simpler, more innocent, more promising led him full circle to March 2007. And David Lynch.

Since NolaChick, Chef K-Paul (aka Chef PK), and DJ Doberge are doing a fine job of cooking up Who Dat love for Saints away games, Chef has been focusing attention elsewhere. Mostly on every possible distraction he can find.

Back to March 2007. And David Lynch.

After you read that riveting tale, here's the truth, as Chef remembers it.

Monday, December 03, 2007


During his steep climb to the top of Cafe 641 on Sunday, Chef received a small packet of Vitamin C from a Upper Terrace regular who noticed Chef's heavy breathing. The Mrs. (The Entity herself) told him never to take candy from strangers, but Chef popped all three of those orange smiling pills at halftime just to spite her.

Then things got all woozie-like.

Chef remembers a menu meet-and-greet with the always spirited Dilly and brother Berto, as well as a pleasant first-time meeting with Oyster's wife. He vaguely recalls handing over a Dead Pirate Poboy to Berto. He thought he saw a gleaming gold on black spoon in Dilly's hands. But then nothing but haze.

Chef may have attempted the Who Dat move pictured above alongside the legendary Nacho Libre. Apparently, it's called the Dirty Dog and involves upper body strength, agility, keen balance, and shoes with serious traction. He doesn't remember much after going airborne in the Dirty Dog posture with three minutes left in the game.

A little help. Anybody see how this one ended?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

The Buc Stops Here.

Today's late start gave Chef & Co. extra time to let this menu marinate. All that really matters, though, is the NOISE. And the Black & Gold Blood Sausage (thanks Ashley).

Friday, November 30, 2007

Dead Parrot Personnel Groupings

It's no secret that P-Diddy loves him some "scheme preparations" and "personnel groupings" and even "the formations."

Here's the Coach about every week when discussing the Saint's next opponent:

"I think you have to prepare for the scheme and for the offense, knowing that in either case they’re going to get into some personnel groupings and they’re going to do a good job with the formations."

In honor of the coaching staff's preparation for the Bucs game, the Cafe opens its casting call for Sunday's "The Buc Stops Here" menu. Got any Dead Parrot Personnel Groupings you'd like to suggest?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

P-Diddy's Plea for Noise. Series Three.

Now Chef recognizes this ain't loud. So for that, Coach, Chef apologizes. But, this 13-second clip o' Cafe 641 goodness reminds Chef of a simpler, NOISE-AYer time.

January 13, 2007 to be exact.

And a night later, for all you fans who like their Special Sauce with a little G. Love (a Philly native and diehard Eagles fan), there was this at the House of Blues:

P-Diddy, what does all this mean for the Dome on Sunday, Dec. 2?
"The opportunity for our fans to be louder than they have been to date, or since I've been here, regardless of last year's season." NOISE-AY.

Oh yeah. And the menu lines are open. Jeff Garcia was the first to call. Says it's not nice to call him gimpy cuz he's 37 years old. Any other suggestions, Who Dats?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

P-Diddy's Plea for Noise. Series Two.

Because Coach threw us some strong-ass Junkyard Dog Black & Gold beads at the Orpheus Parade last year, Chef feels obliged to repeat P-Diddy's instructions a second time:
"I think our fan base understands the importance of this game and the importance of this game for the New Orleans Saints. What I’m hopeful of is a playoff environment, and one that can give us an edge."

Yo. P to the Diddy. You mean like the environs pictured above? You want costumes? Props? Tailgates? The Works? You want it NOISE-AY?

Fine then. Chef will announce his contribution right now: A Bucs-inspired faux-poboy stuffed with parrot and pirate's hook. And it will be hot-glued onto his shoulder so those storm troopers at Gate D won't confiscate the french bread again.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

P-Diddy's Plea for Noise

Louder than 2006? Seriously? Eating 150 ersters in three hours ain't enough for you, boss? A Chef can't even fully recover from Hepatitis C before his head coach goes asking for more?

Fine then. See you at the Dome. It's going down. (and by "it", Chef means the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.)

Monday, November 26, 2007

Vinny Donates his Testaverdes to Culinary Science

When Carolina coach John Fox caved to pressure from the AARP yesterday and agreed to sit Vinny Testaverde and his aging, stiff back, Cafe 641 claimed a moral victory.

Technically, David Carr and Matt Moore were responsible for throwing three interceptions and serving up a giant sampler of suck in the 31-6 loss to the Saints. But, Chef would like to make it clear that homebound Who Dats are also deserving of a game ball.

Witness the "Vinny's Testes Three Ways Viewing Party" that Chef and the Entity hosted on Sunday. Vinny Boudin Balls. Vinny Raw on the Half Shell. And (pictured above) Chargrilled Vinny. And the Panthers question why Vinny wasn't ready to play?

Witness the culinary domination that is Chef PK, the exclusive creator of all dishes for Saints away games. PK revisited his Creamed Corn and Shrimp Flapjacks recipe from 2006 and the Flapjacks moved to 2-0 all-time with the Carolina victory. Anyone else remember a prime time Beat Down Soufflé that left the Big Tuna without a j-o-b? That was PK's kitchen work.

Witness the mojo that is a rare sighting of Tyrannosaurus Dex, a Cafe 641 offspring whose very presence wills Brees into the endzone. Mad props to his parentals, DJ Doberge and Big Chief Curly Head, who unknowingly committed to keeping little T-Dex outfitted in his Black & Gold for the remainder of the season. The Doberge's pecan and sweet potato pie should be renamed "Black and Gold Victory" and served at all remaining away games.

Hope Vinny's got Jeff Garcia on speed dial because the Cafe's looking for revenge this week:

Gimpy Garcia Grillades and Grits anyone?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Find Your Safe Space

Because the Saints/Texans viewing was so shit-tacular, Chef has spent the last two days serenely locked into his Who Dat Safe Space. It's a mental locale with comfy recliners upholstered in waxed mustaches, all-you-can-drink Budwesier, and 15-foot projections of the 2006 MNF game.

At Chef's recommendation, even Jim Henderson checked into a Safe Space.

How does a Who Dat know that her/his Safe Space retreat has worked? Usually, it's an omen. Like a John Carney. Chef knew that he was ready to re-enter the world of the living this afternoon when he looked at the NFL waiver wire and realized that Olindo Mare is not irreplaceable.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Notes from the Adoration Chapel

Chef just returned from a 72-hour vigil at the local adoration chapel* and found the following in the back pocket of his chef pants. Apparently, it was left over from Sunday's Cafe 641 meeting with Mother Brid and her Bridgette**, who stopped by to say hello during the Ramsacking. Chef feels better now. Needs a beer. But feels better. 11-5. The dream is alive.

New Orleans Saints Rosary

Our Coach
Our Coach, who art on the sidelines, hallowed be Thy plays.
Thy special teams come, Thy will be done, in Dome as in the Bowl.
Give us this day our weekly win and forgive us our dropped passes as we forgive those who intercept against us.
And lead us not into overtime, but deliver us from the Texans.
Who Dat!

Hail Rita
Hail Rita, full of faith, the Coach is with Thee.
Blessed art thou among owners and blessed is the soul of thy team, the New Orleans Saints.
Holy Rita, Mother of Saints, pray for us fans now and at the hour of our kickoff.
Who Dat!

Glory Be
Glory be to the Coach, and the Quarterback, and the Running Back.
As it was in 2006, is now and ever shall be.
Wins without end.
Who Dat!

*Seriously. Chef lives next door to a re-modeled convent. And a 24-hour adoration chapel.
** The Krewe of Brid will debut this Carnival season as a marching organization on Harrison Ave. on the eve of January 11th, 2008. Much love, Mother Brid-ers.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Sacrificial Rams.

Sharpen your knives, girls and boys, and enjoy your lambs. It's game time.

Merci beaucoup: Raphael for the "Bulger-In-Your-Pants;" the B&B Kooky Kajun for the Potatoes Claude au Wroten, the Lack of Ram, and the Marc Bacon Double Cheesebulger; DJ Doberge and Saintseester for the Saintsational Stuffed Rack of Ram.

With apologies from the publisher to Ashley for going to press without his stellar Jim Haslett Mutton:
Recipe: Rub the mutton with garlic, rosemary, lemon, salt, and pepper. Think you are absolutely, completely, prepared. Don't just ignore the crowd watching you, but actively, tacitly disdain them. Place the mutton on a baking sheet and into a 225 degree oven. In 3 1/2 hours, realize that you forgot to rub olive oil on the mutton. Take mutton out of the oven, and wonder why it isn't ready yet. Blame the fans.
Eating Instructions: Carve yourself and your guests a nice piece of Haslett mutton. Say the blessing. Cut a piece of it. As you're lifting it to your mouth, you notice the overwhelming gaminess of the meat. You can't understand this, as it is definitely not a cheap cut. Oh no, this was ridiculously expensive.

Then you look at it. Rare as can be. Basically uncooked. Since the cook forgot to use oil, there's no browning at all. You wonder why people ever said this cook knew what he was doing.

As you try to force it down, you realize that with the same piece of meat, a good cook could have done truly amazing things.
Thanks Ashley.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

What Time Is It?

Game time.

Now, imagine that classic gridiron mantra screamed at high pitches by a litter of five- and six-year-olds, bouncing up and down like pogo sticks. If that don't get you amped for this Sunday's game against the St. Louis Lack of Rams, then Chef can't help you. (Seriously, if you can't picture the Sous Chef pimped out in a gold #12 jersey, bouncing up and down screaming "GAME TIME!" then your imagination suffers. Unless you answered, "It's Business Time." In which case, you money.)

It's also menu time. This week we're paying homage to a ritual dish: The Sacrificial Lamb.

The Cafe 641 menu suggestion board is now open.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Cafe Skins the Cat

Chef's heard too much already about how the Saints finally got over the hump against the AFC after dismantling the Jaguars yesterday. Cafe 641 knows that the Black and Gold wasn't struggling with the conference. It was the gamey-ness of the meat. Cat meat, to be specific.

There's more than one way to cook a cat, but the Saints just couldn't digest the kitty in 2006.

Sunday's Big Cat Barbeque game ball could go to Drew Brees. Or Marques Colston. Or the defensive line. Probably not so much Rico Suave. But, Chef would be cruel to deny a game ball from the upper reaches of the Upper Terrace.

Why, you ask? Well, it's not just because Lil' Reggie read every page of the Saints Gameday program. And it's not solely due to the Sous Chef rollin' with real human hair on his upper lip. We had an entire afternoon of good omens . . .

10:19 a.m. Chef is approached by a well-heeled Who Dat outside Gate A. After a minor altercation, Chef hands over two Golden Spoons and 20 Cafe 641 menus that eventually get distributed in Rita Benson LeBlanc's suite. (Chef later learns that Rita was a no-show and didn't get a menu -- but ya'll did see her kiss P-Diddy square on the lips after game, yes?).

12:07 p.m. Chef looks to his upper right and locates a crucial link to the Cafe's 2006 success: DJ Doberge and Big Chief Curly Head. Since their last appearance in Cafe 641, these Row 43 residents have added a new Who Dat to the family: Tyrannosaurus Dex. Chef hands over a custom slotted Golden Spoon on behalf of T-Dex, and the Saints promptly recover an onside kick.

12:31 p.m. Mojo pulls out a Maurice Jones-Stew voodoo doll, and the Cafe proceeds to pummel it with Golden Spoons. Hollis Thomas feels a sudden charge through his belly and smothers the Stew for no gain.

1:48 p.m. Chef lines up the Sous Chef and Lil' Reggie with a pile of menus and six Golden Spoons for a tour of the Upper Terrace in search of deserving Who Dats. They stop in Section 637, where they find a weary traveler from Alabama. Her killer Fleur-De-Nails take Chef's breath away, and he immediately bestows all six spoons on her family. (Merci beaucoup, Saintseester, for the reciprocal Fleur-De-Coins. Sort of like a Who Dat swap meet, yes?)

2:35 p.m. With the Saints up 24-17, and Quinn "The Gray Goose" driving the Jags downfield, Chef winds up his french loaf and goes "Bread Upside Ya Head." Mike McKenzie picks off the Goose and takes it to the house. Deuce "Upside Ya Head" McAllister looks up to Cafe 641 and smiles approvingly.

2:53 p.m. Nacho Libre's offspring breaks loose in the Cafe and delivers a much-needed service to Cafe 641 patrons: back massages. Chef knows a good business practice when he sees one and immediately hires the five-year-old as the Cafe Masseur. His starting wage? One bag of cotton candy for every five clients massaged.

2:57 p.m. The Cocktail Chef returns from her ritual tour of Superdome wine and bar vendors. She announces that Chip Brees, father of Drew Dat, has received and approved today's Cafe 641 menu. This follows a week 6 meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Faine and their tiny son Jeff, who also received a menu and Golden Spoon. Other reported menu recipients? Archbishop Hannan. The Brennan Family. (don't even think about making a higher offer, Dickie Brennan. Chef's got blood type 641+)

3:32 p.m. The Cocktail Chef forgets her winoculars as she leaves the Dome. "No worries," Chef thinks to himself. "I'll just hold on to these little babies until I see the Cocktail Chef next week. Hmmm, wonder if she was thirsty today?" The Cocktail Chef's comrade returned to find Chef pouring vodka down his throat. Sorry baby. Just making sure you was all legal.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

The Bigger the Cat . . .

It's show me time, Who Dats. And Marcus Stroud's is bigger than yours.

But when it comes to skinning the Big Cat, our defensive line (see Hollis Thomas) will feast on Maurice Jones-Stew and a Fried Fred Tail-or-Claw Platter tomorrow.

Don't forget to show the Saints Food Drive some love. Sunday is the last day to drop off canned goods in the boxes at Gates A & C.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Here Kitty, Kitty.

It may feel like All Hallows Eve, but Chef sees it as just another reason to dress up a dead cat. 12-4 won't happen without a couple of Big Cat Barbeques, most notably the Jaguars and Panthers. Who Dats eat bird like its candy, but at some point this season, we need to digest felines too.

A family friend of Jeff Faine is the only sure menu item thus far for Sunday's Cafe 641 brunch:
Jeff's Fainemous Center Cut of Prime Cat

Could it be that the test kitchen just hasn't found the perfect cat recipe?

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Burn the Corner.

P-Diddy won't talk 'bout "turning the corner." Neither will Chef. Now, burning the corner. That's a different topic altogether.

Signs of the burned corner?

* Jeff Faine-mous injured in Dirty Bird Demolition, but graciously accepts a Golden Spoon and several Cafe 641 menus from the Cafe Mixologist.

* The Cafe Mixologist mixes it up with Faine's parentals:

"Got the golden spoon and a couple of menus to Jeff. Sadly, however, he was the
one and only injured player of the game and was really hurting. So we were only
there for a moment and he was headed out. Barb and I did party on with the
Faines at a tailgate with some folks we met in Seattle."
* Hollis "The Train Wreck" Thomas on the sideline laughing after another 49er 3-and-out.

* 1 game out of first place.

* Two consecutive home games.

* The presence of the Sous Chef at the Jacksonville Jaguar home game.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

From the cutting room floor.

Chef has to agree with Supa Saint on this one: Leave nuthin bra.

And that's why it hurts so bad to be left just outside of the camera's viewfinder on the latest Supa video.

Chef had put himself in position to make the play, to take an over-sized Golden Spoon upside the Dirty Bird's dome. He had warmed up on a rubber version of a Blackened Falcon for one hour before game time. He had the mantra ringing in his head, "See the Bird. Beat the Bird." And when that got stale, he countered with, "Byyy-ron Left-Nutz. Byyy-ron Left-Nutz. Byyy-ron Left-Nutz."

But when Chef approached Gate A, it was too late. Supa won the race.

Just a reminder, Who Dats. Game time in 72 hours.

Friday, October 19, 2007

A Dome Homecoming for . . .

Not the Prodigal Son, fool. Joe's homecoming has already received enough attention.

Chef's work on the Hotlanta Melt Down Menu this week has been inspired by the baddest Human Jukebox on the planet.

Remember the last time you saw them in the Dome?

The Falcons do.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Cafe Files Suit Against Vick

H-h-h-h-old on there, Wachovia Bank. Get in line, baby. Cafe 641 already slapped Ookie with a $10.78 lawsuit after one of its greatest Dirty Bird menus of all time was ruined by Vick's federal indictment. The excessive size of the lawsuit covers printing costs of 250 menus printed at Office Depot on Goldenrod paper.

Chef offered to settle the suit out of court if Vick's publicist would e-mail a few little known facts from the Falcons locker room that might fuel new menu items.

All Chef received was the following:

"Michael wears a number 7 on his jersey because he says it is his lucky number. . . . He glued his eyelids shut at the age of three. . . . Other than football, Michael’s favorite sport is fishing. Michael loves to fish. He first got into the sport when he was 10, casting his line into the waters of the James River."

And a link to Vick's Atlanta restaurant and wine shop.

Who Dats. Sunday's divisional game menu isn't going to write itself. Get your dirty birds out the freezer for that slow defrost. Menu suggestions should commence . . . right . . . now.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Eat Bird.

Eat bird for breakfast. Eat bird for lunch. Eat bird for dinner.

See a bird. Shoot a bird. Cook a bird. Eat a bird.

Bird on toast. Bird in eggs. Bird on grits. Bird on french bread. Bird over rice.

Blackened bird. Grilled bird. Boiled Bird.

Eat bird.

--- a friendly Who Dat reminder from Cafe 641 that 12-4 won't happen by itself.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

The Wisdom of Eight-Year-Olds

Chef thinks it's time to turn his oldest son loose on the real word. Already he can pack his own lunch (see image) and complete third grade homework in 30-minutes flat.

But now, Chef knows that Lil' Reggie has manned up proper. After careful meditation and meticulous calculation of gameday scenarios, Lil' Reggie issued this fearless prediction yesterday:

"Yo, Chef. Dr. Z was right. The Saints will go 12-4. And win the Super Bowl."

Let's get it on then, Lil' Reggie. Faith.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Saints Re-sign Mare!

Grrrrrr-eat news, Who Dats! Mare fixed his groin.

So, he's not gonna miss any more field goals, indoors or outdoors, so long as he's not asked to kick from 60+. And he understands that P-Diddy was just trying to cover his ass with all those fake field goal auditions yesterday.

So everyone's happy now. No worries. Mare has promised to get more elevation on 20-yard field goals and extra points, and as an added free bonus, he'll narrow his focus to the area just between instead of just outside the uprights.

Chef has also learned that Mare's landing strip helps explain his accuracy.

Don't know about you, but Chef's feeling much better now.

Hey! Sous Chef! Getcha ass in here and bring Chef another beer!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Saints Waive Mare!

Did Chef get your hopes up? Sorry about that. Turns out, that was just the collective thought process of every Who Dat staggering out of the Dome yesterday. No basis in truth. Yet.

Rico Suave is still our kicker. For now.

And since the Chef has a serious football hangover this morning, he's focusing on what turns his frown upside down: the strong performance in the Upper Terrace seats on Sunday.

To recap . . .
* Golden Spoons awarded to 2 Fetal Who Dats and their maternal Saintsations. If Mare had the good sense to meditate before kicking field goals, he would have easily felt the powerful force of these in utero Who Dats and won the game.

* A Cafe 641 veteran received a late-game Golden Spoon at the tender age of five. What was his claim to Who Dat greatness? Optimism in the face of defeat, on display with high-pitched squeals of "DEFENSE!" after Mare's final miss.

and finally . . .

* No police raids. The Superdome Swat Team called a one-game truce on members of the Cafe 641 Smoker's Lounge, after realizing that cigarettes were the only things keeping the Upper Terrace from dive bombing onto the field in pursuit of Mare.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Sunday's Secret Ingredient: Catnip!

After several months of Carolina counter-intelligence, Chef has learned that the Kittens are defenseless to the allure of catnip.

0-3 can suck it, indeed!

Friday, October 05, 2007

FleurDLicious Rights the Ship

Ya'll don't wannna be loud on Sunday? Then go to the library and read a friggin' book!

The Who Dat word, as proclaimed by FleurDLicious.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Jake Delhomme's Wounded Wings (and other Cafe delicacies)

So Nola Chick suggests a Panther Pate' and a Fred Thomas Toast for Sunday's return to glory. As always, the Cafe 641 menu is heavily guarded until gameday, but Chef is working on a one-week licensing agreement with Smith and Wollensky.

The secret ingredient this weekend?


Menu suggestions that successfully combine catnip into a culinary dismantling of Julius Peppers, DeShaun Foster, or DeAngelo Williams receive preference.

Take notice. Jake Delhomme is already dismantled. But wings are wings.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Deuce Upside My Head

How Chef missed the back page of Sunday's Times-Picayune Sports section, the Cafe may never know.

But many thanks to Upper Terrace Section 635, a freshly spooned Chick in the Huddle, and yes, even Chris Rose for calling attention to the many, many ways that Deuce can still go upside our heads and hearts.

This cut out will be attached to Chef's heart for the remaining 2007 Saints home games.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Lord, Hear Our Prayer.

Genuflect. Now. Seriously.

Okay, that's better.

Chef's back on the prayer wagon, thanks to this ethereal offering from the Patron Saint of Supa.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

The Dome Reclamation Project

Chef announces small, but important steps toward reclaiming tainted sections of the Superdome this afternoon.

Chef began by unearthing several sacred Cafe 641 items from the 2006 season in his attic last night . . . the infamous Forty-Niner Fruitcake, which doesn't last as long as Aunt Sally's does when stored in an attic for six months . . . P-Diddy's Bacchus-thrown Junkyard Dog Black and Gold beads . . . Mojo's custom crafted fleur-de-lis bead from the Philly playoff win . . . an oversized black and gold spoon and ladle set gifted to Chef from the Cafe faithful.

Then, braving early morning sunshine, Chef mixed an extra large Absolut screwdriver and snuck into the Dome in civilian attire, hidden among the LSU/Tulane fans. While the rest of the Superdome grew silent during Tulane's spirited, but short-lived first-half rally, Chef climbed to the top of the Upper Terrace. Finding his Cafe empty, Chef began a labyrinth-like walk through each row, stopping at every seat to utter the Who Dat Profession of Faith.

"I believe in the spirit of the Who Dat. I profess my Who Dat faith. I will return to these roof-banging seats on October 7. I will wave my golden spoon. I will be loud. I will stay for 4 quarters. I believe in saving my gameday appetite for Cafe 641. I break bread with my Upper Terrace family. I feast on Birds -- clean or dirty, black, green or red; Cats -- big and small; Pirates; the city of Houston; Gold Diggers, and the swollen haunches of the grizzly bear."

Stopping only to step over a broken spoon in Row 41, Chef continued his rounds to the top of the Cafe. And then, fatigued by the burden of his labor, Chef entered the Cafe 641 men's room, where a smoldering cigarette miraculously remained from five nights earlier. Chef picked the Cafe token from the ground, examined it closely for germs, and took its final drag.

As he dropped it into the urinal, Chef looked curiously upward to discover a cloud of smoke hovering around his head. And Chef be damned if he didn't notice the faint, cumulous tinge of a fleur-de-lis formation.
Earn it. Reclaim it.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Broken Spoons

No. That's not Chef to the left. But Chef feels this kitchen soldier's pain: you get all worked up to use your favorite kitchen utensil and it goes and breaks on you.

Chef missed the mark mightily last night at the Monday Night Monstrosity by sitting on and breaking a sacred golden spoon early in the game. He apologizes for his miscue.

Some other omens from last night:

* On the pre-game walk to the Dome, Chef and crew come across a white limousine owned by Old Pimpin', the same limo they visited during last year's playoff game. This was certain to be a good omen, until Chef realized that Old Pimpin' hadn't made the trip from Hattiesburg -- too sick to travel. His fine family promised to deliver him a game day menu.

* Retro golden spoons were in full effect in Cafe 641, including an eye-popping showing from Austin Who Dat, who traveled from Texas for the game, 2006 playoff golden spoon in hand. Austin spent part of his night denouncing his Longhorn alma mater because it was the birthing ground of VY.

* Proud Mary is still four quarters strong.

* Chef's stamina slipped as he was unable to distribute all 200 printed menus prior to kickoff.

And the final bad omen . . . Superdome security actually conducted raids on the Cafe 641 smoker's lounge throughout the game.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Another Miracle Monday

Save your appetite. Vy Calf Fries. LenWhale White Beans and Rice. And Fried Fisher Sticks w/ Titan Tartar Sauce. It's on.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Charles Grant Drops Bomb

Every morning, Chef takes his three offspring to school. And every morning, the vintage carpool suburban gets rocking when Baby Boy da Prince says, "Charles Grant, he a monster how he bust through that line!"

Which reminds Chef of yesterday and Uncle Tom's spontaneous fan rally. C. Grant made Chef's highlight list. So did the Cajun Cannon. And Captain Insano, seen here. Rita was strong yesterday. Uncle Tom made his ass wiggle a little bit.

This was just an all-around strong rally. Chef agrees with this morning's T-P's sports page headline: Uplifting Experience.

1. Chef missed the opening of the rally because aforementioned offspring wouldn't cut class an hour early. He arrived just after a standout moment, which was retold in accurate detail by a long-time season ticket holder. Seriously. This is all exactly as it happened:
Charles Grant takes the stage. In his expected understated manner, C. Grant asks the crowd to please get loud and show some excitement, etc. before ending with: "We gonna tear the muthaf**** up on Monday night!" Hollis Thomas follows C. Grant onstage. He smiles. And says, "Uh, yeah. What Charles said." Defensive co-captain Scott Fujita follows Hollis. He look around at the crowd, shifts uncomfortably at the sight of so many families with young children, and says, "Uh, we're sorry about what Charles said. He gets a little excited sometimes."

2. Bobby Hebert was not shy.
Aside from this dance moment, his best line: "Hey Who Dat Nation! I'm seeing all this energy ya'll showing me. And if ya'll bring that to the Dome Monday night, there ain't no way we ain't gonna beat dem Titans!"

3. Just offstage, Rita, Uncle Tom and trophy wife swayed gently to Rockin Dopsie. Until Dopsie called Uncle Tom onstage. And then it was on. Tom pulled hard on his suspenders, bent over backwards and showed Chef and several thousand Who Dats what he's workin' with. (Rita wore business casual gold pants, one of those black fleur-de-lis, torn down to cleavage, t-shirts, and a light-colored blazer, if you were wondering.)

4. Pierre Thomas is still a nice guy who appreciates where he's at. He was the last Saint onstage and told the crowd, "I've only been here for 3 or 4 months, but I love New Orleans. I want to thank all of you for giving me so much support when I was trying to make this team. It helped me a lot." Pierre had as many people looking to shake his hand and congratulate him as he did autograph seekers. Great smile.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

New Orleans is Secure

. . . or so says Dan Swenson of the Times-Picayune in his week three version of Starship Saints. Swenson is back on the happy juice, which suits Chef just fine. Instead of getting benched after being exploded by a Flaming Thumbtack, Chef was told in a very reassuring tone, "New Orleans is secure."

Swenson's week three effort is all around strong: revised music track; familiar battleground with an aerial shot of New Orleans; retro shout outs to the Titans' forgettable Houston roots, and the rare opportunity to blow up threatening hurricanes that have formed over the Gulf at the same time you destroy a barrage of paper-bagged 'Aints.

Plus, Chef's steady trigger finger finally climbed higher than round 2.

All of this and a pep rally on Friday? Uncle Tom, Rita-licious, P-Diddy . . . make it stop. Chef's gonna pee his pants.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Toasted Titan? Cafe Requests Menu Items

Hey, Cafe 641! Seems that one of our family members has been holding out on us. Mark C. from Cafe 641, Row 43 was caught earlier this week with damning evidence that he cooks and cooks well.

Chef lifted these pictures from his home kitchen picture gallery, and now wonders how many other Cafe 641 Who Dats are keeping their recipes to themselves.

If Mark C. of Row 43 can generate a hand-tossed pizza that rivals the Cafe classic Jeremy Shit-shockey Mushroom pie from 2006, a Tennessee Fruit Tarte, and an entire oven of fried chicken, how many other recipes have we missed out on?

Not the time for stinginess, Who Dats. No excuses for mourning after Monday morning. Back to practice. Tennesse won't cook itself.

Post menu suggestions now. Post often.

(by the way, Mark C. Consider yourself forgiven after allowing a one-time photo post of Dexter Who Dat's touchdown pose AND his dramatic reaction to Olindo Mare's field goal miss)