Friday, January 18, 2008

Cafe 641 Leftover Awards: Bootlegger of the Year

This Leftover could very easily go to Chef himself for a perfect 8-0 record of smuggling in loaves of Leidenheimer's, but the Gate A Storm Troper put an end to his streak in Week 13 before the Bucs game.

Instead, Chef turns to three worthy nominees:

The Cafe 641 Mixologist
(This Upper Terrace diva refused to let Benson's high drink prices keep her down. Her patented winoculars kept Row 42 in tip-top shape every home game.)

Ashley Morris
(The Cafe Service Industry Guild broke from tradition on this nominee, going outside the Cafe to Section 635, where Dr. Morris offered generous pours of New Orleans Absolut.)

Nacho Libre
(This perennial favorite brought more than his Chris Farley imitation to the Cafe each week. Giving up on the smaller flask by Week #5, Nacho switched over to a wine skin full of Jim Beam. When the Saints refused to take care of business, Nacho stepped up to the plate in Week #17, switching his celebratory shots of Jim Beam from touchdowns to tackles.)

And the Leftover goes to . . .
The Cafe 641 Mixologist for her innovative winocular bootlegging and for sharing liquor that never was pulled from her sock or pants.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Cafe 641 Leftover Awards: Conceived in the Dome

Cafe 641's service industry guild announced its annual Leftover Awards earlier this week. Keeping with Cafe tradition, the winners of these prestigious awards receive coveted Golden Spoons mounted on handsome replicas of Cafe 641 Upper Terrace seats.

In solidarity with the Writer's Guild of America's ongoing strike, the awards ceremony has been canceled. Chef will issue individual awards online over the next few weeks.

Our first award goes to the Who Dat most likely conceived inside the Dome during the '06 season and certainly birthed near it during the '07 season.

Nominees . . .
Harper Who Dat

Dexter Who Dat

Envelope please . . .

And the Leftover goes to . . . T-Dex (for his willingness to share his season tix with Chef at a moment's notice).

No worries, little Harper. Your name has solidified your place in Who Dat lore. Expect your authentic Cafe 641 Golden Spoon sometime in April during Festival International.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Andy Reid Returns Brain Cells to Chef

In an unexpected moment of New Year's generosity, Philly coach Andy Reid sent Chef a small sampling of Who Dat brain cells that he apparently belched up after swallowing Chef whole on December 23. Apparently, the cells were connected to Chef's pre-game tailgate and Cafe 641 image banks.

Chef believes the images may explain his recurring nightmare of being chop blocked by leather-helmeted gridiron greats.

Here's a sampling, with more to come as Coach Reid has offered up the remainder of Chef's brain cells in return for 18 links of Bald Eagle Boudin and 5 racks of Donovan McRibs:

Friday, January 04, 2008

Andy Reid Eats Chef . . .

. . . but Chef Saved by Heroic Stomach Pumping.

Chef checked himself out of an undisclosed Philadelphia critical health care facility early Friday after being pumped out of Eagles head coach Andy Reid's stomach.

Still woozy from his 12-day stay in Reid's inner tube of gastric delights, Chef offered few details on how he ended up there. Cafe 641 guests last reported seeing Chef harassing a Philly Reid clone outside the Louisiana Superdome on the morning of December 23. Chef was seen in heated dialogue with a 325-pound mini version of Reid, which included several references to West-broke Back Mountain Bisque and a futile attempt to swat mini-Reid in the ass with a fly swatter.

Chef was removed from Reid's stomach during an emergency stomach-pumping procedure performed by Cafe 641 superhero Nacho Libre. Libre flew straight to Reid's family drug emporium, kicked his way through the neon-lit front door, and landed two eye rakes, three spinning heel kicks, and one bionic elbow drop, before dislodging Chef from Reid's stomach with a standing moonsault.

Chef refused to comment on reports that he was offered amphetamines while imprisoned in Reid's belly. He stumbled away from reporters, propped up by wing-man Nacho Libre, and was heard asking, "Did Minnesota lose, Nacho?"