Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Scrubbin' & Rinsin'

So Fresh, So Clean
(available at fleurtygirl)

Time to scrub, rinse, and re-hydrate. Anything to get the fowl smell of the Dirty Bird out of the Dome. This week, the Bistro will bath exclusively in NOLA Hopitoulas Beer Soap to do the trick.
We'll also boycott

Monday, September 27, 2010

Keeping Score

The Superdome scoreboard still reads 27 Bird Brains, 24 Saints, but based on a quick count of yesterday's pre-game and in-house festivities, the Who Dats won going away. This ain't no moral victory. This is a reminder of "what it means." And while I completely understand the need to jump in a car and drive the depressing eight hours back to hell the ATL, the flood of Dirty Birds exiting the Upper Terrace of the Poydras endzone before Broken Hart lined up his shank was telling. Telling of life in a great American simulated city.

Sour grapes, Chef? Perhaps.

But, then again, this visual evidence suggests how real we kept it in and out of the seats of the Dome on Sunday. Enjoy the photographic stylings of Ms. Shootz to Kill:

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Don't Be Tardy for the Party!

New season, same drama. Just another work week for your World Champion New Orleans Saints. But down in the ATL, Bravo TV captured dirty birds Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez, Michael Turner, and Roddy White in all their pre-game housewife flair.

Looks like another Real Housewives of the ATL menu for Sunday. Post menu suggestions at your leisure.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Bird

When the semi-Real Housewives of Atlanta return to the Sacredome on Sunday, the biggest question is whether the Benson Towers will do the right thing and distribute what would be the most sought after Dome give-away ever: costume jewelry replica Super Bowl rings.

Imagine it, Tom.

70,000+ blinged-out birds being flipped simultaneously in the direction of the Falcons bench.

Oh, yeah. The menu board is open.

Dempsey Intervenes, Sacred Hart Shines

RicknGentilly provided the foreshadowing for a 2-0 start with the following footwear comment, posted days before Sacred Hart defeated the San Francisco Swirling Crosswinds:
fun fact: one of tom dempsy's shoes is hanging from the ceiling of the absinthe house bar on bienville and bourbon.

my wife used to bartend there and every time i would stop in to say hi to her i would find myself staring at that relic from my childhood.

i know when mr tony sold the biz to jobert some one took down a bunch of the helmets from the ceiling and replaced them with replicas.

there was no replica for mr dempsy's shoe so it went back up.

one more fun fact: the heirs to the spainards who owened that property during spanish colony times still get a roality check once a year for the use of their property.

The 649 Bistro response to this historical nugget?
After Sacred Hart-ley goes 4-4 tonight into a swirling Candlestick wind, I plan a toast to Dempsey's hanging shoe at that very spot.
So, in the larger Who Dat cosmos, this suggests a Tom Dempsey half-a-foot toast at the very locale he watched the Super Bowl back in February.

Details will follow.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Fisherman's Wharf, Hide Your Seals

The hunters are coming ...


649 Bistro Ladies Man
(dialing up a 38-point victory over the 49ers to celebrate his 38th birthday)

Today marks the 38th birthday of a Cafe 641/649 Bistro staple, our very own adult industry chef. We believe that one day, the offspring of this mild-mannered porn star will look back on this year and label it thus: the year of the Porn Chef!

We offer this small tribute, a list of every Who Dat to wear the #38:

Phil Vandersea (LB) 1967
Tony Baker (RB) 1968‐71
Bill Butler (RB) 1972‐74
George Rogers (HB) 1981‐84
Calvin Nicholson (CB) 1989,91
Donovan Greer (CB) 1997
Usama Young (CB) 2007
Greg Fassitt (CB) 2009‐

footnote: Visual evidence suggests a direct lineage between former Saint Phil Vandersea and Porn:

Footnote 2: Or perhaps Bill Butler.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Chicks Win Catering Contract

The prodigious Chicks in the Huddle earned the Bistro/Cafe away-game catering contract this afternoon with an impressive culinary audition that featured Crusty Softshell Crabtree and Melted Gore Smores. Chef will now spend his free weekend cooking up a 40-burger. Points on the board, ya'll.

Fundraising Footwear

Not since Tom Dempsey has the 649 Bistro/Cafe 641 community been so excited about footwear. Catholic Charities is coordinating a decorated shrimp boot auction to raise money for its BP Oil Spill Relief Fund. While this is probably already rigged to favor prominent, boot-bearing Who Dats, a $5 raffle ticket is worth a shot at one of these:

Hands off this one. It's for the Chef!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A Two Dat Recipe

26 Mustache Riders +

A Black & Gold Teletubby + a Chef + a Ring Master + an Adult Film Star +

a Pre-game Phone Call to Brad Childress +

Voodoo Pants on the Ground =


*thanks to Carol for another batch of gris gris!

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Back for Seconds, Favre from Finished

Helga Hats Meet Hip Hop

I wanna party with these people. Or at least get my ass kicked in a round of Madden 11. Because that's where the real champion is crowned.

h/t Homan for scouring the snowy internet plains of Minnesota for this magic.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010


Grandmaster Wang reminds us that we all have our predictions, our desires. Wang has a particular desire to see Reggie
"pointing at the chump who's eating his dust as he crosses the goal line, only with a different finger this time."

I want to see Gregg Williams lead the defense out of the tunnel on a black and gold stallion twirling a rope lasso attached to a pair of charred Wranglers.

That would be nice.

Dear New Orleans,

Thursday, everything changes. The Superdome lights dim. A banner drops. The Who Dat nation is transformed.

From pitiful to powerful. Long-suffering to non-suffering. Wannabes to wildebeests.

But don't kid yourself, New Orleans Saints fans. This won't be easy. We've been lovable losers for a long time. After 43 years below sea level -- literally and figuratively -- it can be dizzying to suddenly find yourself cheering from such lofty heights. Seventy-thousand people fainting will not create the hostile environment Coach Sean Payton is counting on when the Minnesota Vikings come to town for Thursday's nationally televised, prime-time kickoff to the 2010 National Football League season.

So it's important to get your mind right. The Aints ain't dere no more. We are now officially fans of the (ahem) Defending Super Bowl Champions. And we must prepare ourselves accordingly.

Herewith, five tips to ease your transition to the new Who Dat normal.

1. Don't change your underwear.

Or your socks, your shoes, your shirt, or anything else you wore on Feb. 7, 2010. Whatever game-day routine you followed for the playoffs and Super Bowl, follow it again. Same pre-game meal. Same parking spot. Same seat on the sofa. Same spouse -- if you were divorced during the off-season, I'm sorry, you have 48 hours to reconcile.

And for the last time, if you chew gum, it's Juicy Fruit, not bleepin' Spearmint!

2. Parade after the season, not before.

With all due respect to the NFL ... a victory parade for a team that is 0-0? Really? Isn't that like going on your honeymoon before the first date?

Nice gesture, but the reality is that on game day, True Dats only want to be one of three places: in front of a TV; inside the Dome; or outside the Dome, wishing they were inside.

Same goes for the pre-game concert in Jackson Square. Nothing against Taylor Swift and the Dave Matthews Band. It's just that these sorts of slickly produced, made-for-TV concerts, with their carefully rehearsed audiences and crowd control wristbands, lack some essential New Orleans mojo.

We're not a follow-the-script kind of town. We're an onside-kick-to-start-the-second-half-of-the-Super-Bowl kind of town. Do something crazy and unexpected and let a little magic happen. No wristbands required.

Better idea: TiVo the festivities and join the impromptu parade up and down Poydras Street, where you'll probably find some old guy with a trumpet playing "When the Saints Go Marching In" while strangers in Saints jerseys dance like lovers on the sidewalk. It's hard to imagine Taylor Swift's new single topping that.

3. Be nice to Paw-Paw (not).

Trust me, my smack-talking brethren, I know how tempting it is to make wisecracks about how Brett Favre is the only NFL player who wears a Depends jockstrap, how the federal government agreed to refund his entire 2010 salary to the Vikings as part of the Cash for Clunkers program, how he wears a tiara in the locker room so his head coach remembers to genuflect, etc.

But that's not Super Bowl Champion talk. That's Sore Loser talk. That's almost as bad as, "No fair! You hit our quarterback too hard!" Or, "Wait a minute! Our quarterback didn't get to play in overtime, you need to change the rules!"

We're better than that. Brett Favre has never done anything to deserve an ungracious welcome from New Orleans Saints fans. He's a warrior (diva), and a Hall of Famer (in the Drama Queen Hall of Fame). We should greet him with all the respect he deserves (boo him till your lungs melt).

And as soon as the referees start treating him like a Faberge egg, making "blow to the ankle" a 15-yard penalty, flagging every defender who so much as breathes hard on his Pennzoil-injected joints, and otherwise indulging seven months of the Viqueens' whiny-baby roughing-the-geezer complaints, let him really hear it.

4. Ignore the cliches.

You know what I'm talking about -- the talking points that coaches and players trot out after a big win to help them keep it real. These directives do NOT apply to us.

Cliche No. 1: "Forget about last season."

Why? So we can remember the Russell Erxleben era?

The memory of last season is the cure for a 40-year case of football fatalism. "Here we go again" is now, "Hey, no problem." "Wait till next year" is now, "Wait till the next play." "I can't bear to look" is now, "Cool. We got this."

Bagheads are then. Super Bowl rings are now.

Never forget.

Cliche No. 2: "Act like you've been there before."

This is how coaches keep exuberant players from getting carried away, but it doesn't apply to New Orleanians. There's no excessive celebration penalty for cities; if there were, they'd have shut this place down centuries ago.

Les bons temps rouler is in our DNA. We're genetically incapable of acting like we've been there before. If we approached these moments with more restraint, more circumspection, more maturity, we'd be ... Minnesotans.

So, if some killjoy starts blabbing about how "even if we win another Super Bowl it'll never be as special as the last one," just tell him this:

True love always feels like the first time.

And then invite him to see for himself on Sunday, Feb. 6, 2011, at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas, site of Super Bowl XLV.

5. Blow the lid off the joint.

Just like we always do. Because some things should never change.

Two Dat, baby.

Black & goldly yours,

Mark Lorando, Who Dat

Revision: For our readers who might have missed it ... "As originally published in the New Orleans Times-Picayune"

Let's Talk About Chicks

Chicks in the Huddle are taking the NFL by storm.

First, a Super Bowl appearance.

Then, a partnership with Mike McKenzie's 34 Ways Foundation for a tailgating party on Thursday night.

And now there's talk of NFL credentials? Go ahead Mother Hen and Nola Chick!

Nola Chick
(posing with a dirty 'stache and the Real Housewives of Atlanta)

Ya Heard!

"For them it's the very next game. For us, we had another one after that."
- Jon Vilma, World Champion linebacker

Monday, September 06, 2010

Dan Hampton Leaves Corps, Joins Vi-Queens

The Minnesota Vikings announced yesterday that Chicago Bears Hall of Famer Dan Hampton will join its team in a front office public relations role after Hampton resigned from his position at the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

Hampton has been on the Nordic radar since this:
"The Vikings need to go down there and hit that town like Katrina."

Lombardi Leftovers?

This is not Detroit, man!

But it is time to pitch ideas for the annual resurrection and burial of Lord Pants on the Ground.

The menu board is open through Wednesday morning.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Our Time

The end result of an epic mustache ride?

a blessed door to the Dome

Much love to all the mustache riders and the gracious hosts at the Bulldog, Mid-City Yacht Club, Finn McCool's, and Handsome Willy's. We'll post a summary soon.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

3rd Annual Dash for the 'Stache

What ya need:
  • Black & gold bikes
  • Mustaches (to be blessed/affixed at the Superdome)
  • Functioning liver
Who to thank:
The original Cafe 641 Cocktail Chef (Ms. Jeanne Vidrine) for piecing together our route & schedule.

The Vieux Carre Hair Shop for selecting the Super Bowl XLIV-winning mustache back in August 2009. Vieux Carre Hair Shop, the official lip-sweater provider of the Dash for the 'Stache. Stop by to pick up your mustache and tell Lynn that Chef sent ya.

The hairy details:

10:30 - 11:30 a.m. Buddy D. gravesite service (contact Chef for location)

11:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. Mid-City Bulldog

And at 12:30 p.m. we roll to ....

Mid-City Yacht Club


Finn McCool's
Sacredome Gate A