Thursday, March 29, 2007

Cafe 641 Profile #7: Mojo Mama

**NOTE: Seventh in a series of bare-all, expose profiles that allows Chef to e-hibernate this off season with a clear conscience.

Cafe 641 regulars will quickly recognize this powerful fleur de list fist of victory as belonging to Mojo Mama, the inspiring mother figure of the Cafe's Mojo man. Just another example of the motherly love that lives in the Upper Terrace, Mojo Mama brought her son up in the Black and Gold, then bought her superstitious offspring some season tickets.

From the depths of Chef's off-season clouded memory, here are some Mojo Mama highlights:

* Like Big D, one row below her, Mojo Mama is heavy on the dap. Following any play of any significance, M.M. slaps skin with no fewer than 15 before re-focusing on the game.

* Known for the "Power Fist," the patented move displayed above. Mojo Mama's upright form and clenched-fist intensity inspired a Cafe trademark: the 641 First Down Fist.

* Okay, Chef must stop to confess. The "off-season clouded memory" comment wasn't a throw-away remark. Chef's crystal clear recall is starting to fade. For true. Mojo Mama is a prolific Cafe 641 family member, and Chef's mustache withers at the possibility that he's forgotten some of her more flattering displays. Is it so wrong that she be known by the iconic Who Dat Power fist?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Cafe 641 Profile #6: MR. Rita Benson LeBlanc

**NOTE: Sixth in a series of bare-all, expose profiles that allows Chef to e-hibernate this off season with a clear conscience. Chef apologizes for the lengthy delay in the return to profiles, which is attributed to Carnival and a location change for Chef's test kitchen.

His seat already guaranteed at the Chef's table by the second home game of the 2006 season, Mr. Rita (NOT PICTURED AT LEFT) entered another realm of Who Dat favor when he unexpectedly told Chef:
"Rita Benson LeBlanc is a desirable woman. I find her appealing. I desire her."

(All this was told to Chef under the strictest confidence which, as can be seen here, don't mean much in the offseason.) Chef suspected that Mr. Rita was fueled by the Benson's announcement of a ticket price freeze, but sure enough, there he was jumping up and down just after the playoff win, yelling for Miss Benson LeBlanc to throw him a second line umbrella. He didn't take to well to Chef's subtle reminder that he sittin' in Row 42 of the UPPER terrace and she way down on the field.

Still, Mr. Rita is more Who Dat than most, and here's why . . .

* Wrist Bands. More than just a hoodoo token, these fleur de lis specimens actually get used to wipe away the Who Dat perspiration of Mr. Rita.

* Mama's Boy. Mr. Rita treats his mom better than most sons (of course, this for a mom who buys him at least two rounds of Dome Foam a game and picked up the season ticket tab). Still, Mr. Rita was caught balancing mom around the slippery post-game corners of the Dome ramps more than once.

* WWL 20-minute updates. Unlike the fan who asks neighbors to quiet down so he can hear Jim Henderson, Mr. Rita plugs in the ear buds only when he needs an explanation of the BS on the field. In these rare events, Mr. Rita screams out the WWL truth to all of Cafe 641.

* Raw Emotion. Mr. Rita has no problem letting the Cafe know his feelings. Anger? He'll speak it. Grief? He'll show it. Ecstasy? You'll know it.

Chef offers a special thanks to Mr. Rita for the 22-inch fleur de lis inscribed Golden Spoon presented prior to the Superdome playoff game. The gift allowed Chef to utter the phrase he's dreamed for some time now . . . "Chef's rollin' with 22s!"

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Flying Dutchman Uses Helm Paint!

This Hofstra University receiver will be giving paint demonstrations at the grand re-opening celebration of the original Helm Paint Store at 8180 Earhart Blvd. on Thursday, March 22 from 11 a.m. - 1 p.m.

Due to an exclusion in his endorsement contract with Sherwin Williams, Chef may not travel within 100 yards of any Helm or Benjamin Moore Paint location. He intends to send other kitchen staff on his behalf to gather painting tips from Dutchman #89.

For Who Dats who prefer the storied painting techniques of Lafourche Parish, Bobby Hebert will also be available.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Forgive Me Father, For Chef Has Sinned

Chef's first born, Lil' Reggie, made his second sacrament last Wednesday -- Reconciliation. As a non-Catholic Who Dat fathering a Catholic Who Dat, Chef believes it may be time to join in the fun.

First step? Catch up for lost time by confessing all Chef's Carnival/Who Dat/Free Agency sins of the last month.

Sin #1: Chef failed to completely stop the Coach Payton's Orpheus float dead in its tracks when it entered the Cafe 641 Mardi Gras zone at St. Charles and Constantinople. Apparently, the Who Dat love at St. Stephen's was a little sweeter than what the Chef and Co. was cookin' up.

After repeated phone calls to representatives of Blaine Kern studios, Chef learned the exact float number of Coach Payton, led the block in several warm-up "Who Dat" exercises, and finally tagged the crowd with eye black.

All this resulted in a sudden lurch from Coach, who leaped from his center position with his wild-eyed "they really love me" expression to the neutral ground side, poundingt Cafe 641 Who Dat faithful with football beads and a few plush toys.

Chef confesses that he only partially sacrificed his body in attempt to get Blaine Kern to stop entirely for the Cafe.

Sin #2: Chef broke a sacred vow and offered up the Cafe 641 Golden Spoon outside of the Dome on Mardi Gras morning. Chef confesses that it was his love of brownies that broke him. After being stopped near Louisiana and St. Charles by an aging pack of Brownie Scouts, Chef engaged his counterparts in a discussion of culinary dishes. When confronted by the senior Brownie Scout member with her desire to be spooned, Chef caved. When the just-spooned Brownie then requested a more personal spooning, Chef blushed, causing slight discomfort to his applique mustache.

Sin #3: Chef agreed to a non-sanctioned photo-op with Saints fans posing as Bears. While Chef verified their season-ticket status prior to photographing, he wonders, "What if . . ." as it relates to later Free Agent trauma regarding his hero Joe Horn. The Bear krewe sported two hunters with a "Bear Season" sign, two bears with targets on their backs, and two small children dressed as cowboys with rifles aimed at the large mammals.

Sin #4: On his tired trek back to the apartment after a long Mardi Gras morning on the campaign trail, Chef stumbles across Who Dat greats, Berto and Sean, marching in the Jefferson City Buzzards. Chef bows humbly to these legends, receives tokens of apprecation, makes plans for Training Camp trip to Jackson, MS, and then . . . forgets entirely of his recurring dream of every Buzzard still standing swaying back and forth to the new Who Dat anthem, "The Saints Are Coming."

Sin #5: Chef lost the inspiration behind eye black throughout the Dome, when Hollywood moved to Atlanta. Chef confesses that he did not once call the Joe Horn show nor offer the proceeds from his soon-to-be released Cafe 641 Cookbook as part of the team's negotiations.

Chef requests that Father allow him to suggest his own penance for this sin: the public display of eye black throughout the offseason until Joe appears at training camp in red and black.

Due to the wide range of Chef's sins, he suspects others may have heavy hearts as well. In the spirit of this Lenten season, Chef encourages the Black and Gold faithful to acknowledge their Who Dat imperfection and publicly confess their shortcomings.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Chef's Lenten Menu Dilemma

Chef apologizes for delay in posts. Numerous Carnival season promotional appearances, a drastic change in location to the Who Dat test kitchen, and the tragic departure of Joe Horn have caused Chef sizable trauma.

He checked into an undisclosed day spa several days ago and is not yet speaking to family or friends.