Friday, November 30, 2007

Dead Parrot Personnel Groupings

It's no secret that P-Diddy loves him some "scheme preparations" and "personnel groupings" and even "the formations."

Here's the Coach about every week when discussing the Saint's next opponent:

"I think you have to prepare for the scheme and for the offense, knowing that in either case they’re going to get into some personnel groupings and they’re going to do a good job with the formations."

In honor of the coaching staff's preparation for the Bucs game, the Cafe opens its casting call for Sunday's "The Buc Stops Here" menu. Got any Dead Parrot Personnel Groupings you'd like to suggest?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

P-Diddy's Plea for Noise. Series Three.

Now Chef recognizes this ain't loud. So for that, Coach, Chef apologizes. But, this 13-second clip o' Cafe 641 goodness reminds Chef of a simpler, NOISE-AYer time.

January 13, 2007 to be exact.

And a night later, for all you fans who like their Special Sauce with a little G. Love (a Philly native and diehard Eagles fan), there was this at the House of Blues:

P-Diddy, what does all this mean for the Dome on Sunday, Dec. 2?
"The opportunity for our fans to be louder than they have been to date, or since I've been here, regardless of last year's season." NOISE-AY.

Oh yeah. And the menu lines are open. Jeff Garcia was the first to call. Says it's not nice to call him gimpy cuz he's 37 years old. Any other suggestions, Who Dats?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

P-Diddy's Plea for Noise. Series Two.

Because Coach threw us some strong-ass Junkyard Dog Black & Gold beads at the Orpheus Parade last year, Chef feels obliged to repeat P-Diddy's instructions a second time:
"I think our fan base understands the importance of this game and the importance of this game for the New Orleans Saints. What I’m hopeful of is a playoff environment, and one that can give us an edge."

Yo. P to the Diddy. You mean like the environs pictured above? You want costumes? Props? Tailgates? The Works? You want it NOISE-AY?

Fine then. Chef will announce his contribution right now: A Bucs-inspired faux-poboy stuffed with parrot and pirate's hook. And it will be hot-glued onto his shoulder so those storm troopers at Gate D won't confiscate the french bread again.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

P-Diddy's Plea for Noise

Louder than 2006? Seriously? Eating 150 ersters in three hours ain't enough for you, boss? A Chef can't even fully recover from Hepatitis C before his head coach goes asking for more?

Fine then. See you at the Dome. It's going down. (and by "it", Chef means the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.)

Monday, November 26, 2007

Vinny Donates his Testaverdes to Culinary Science

When Carolina coach John Fox caved to pressure from the AARP yesterday and agreed to sit Vinny Testaverde and his aging, stiff back, Cafe 641 claimed a moral victory.

Technically, David Carr and Matt Moore were responsible for throwing three interceptions and serving up a giant sampler of suck in the 31-6 loss to the Saints. But, Chef would like to make it clear that homebound Who Dats are also deserving of a game ball.

Witness the "Vinny's Testes Three Ways Viewing Party" that Chef and the Entity hosted on Sunday. Vinny Boudin Balls. Vinny Raw on the Half Shell. And (pictured above) Chargrilled Vinny. And the Panthers question why Vinny wasn't ready to play?

Witness the culinary domination that is Chef PK, the exclusive creator of all dishes for Saints away games. PK revisited his Creamed Corn and Shrimp Flapjacks recipe from 2006 and the Flapjacks moved to 2-0 all-time with the Carolina victory. Anyone else remember a prime time Beat Down Soufflé that left the Big Tuna without a j-o-b? That was PK's kitchen work.

Witness the mojo that is a rare sighting of Tyrannosaurus Dex, a Cafe 641 offspring whose very presence wills Brees into the endzone. Mad props to his parentals, DJ Doberge and Big Chief Curly Head, who unknowingly committed to keeping little T-Dex outfitted in his Black & Gold for the remainder of the season. The Doberge's pecan and sweet potato pie should be renamed "Black and Gold Victory" and served at all remaining away games.

Hope Vinny's got Jeff Garcia on speed dial because the Cafe's looking for revenge this week:

Gimpy Garcia Grillades and Grits anyone?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Find Your Safe Space

Because the Saints/Texans viewing was so shit-tacular, Chef has spent the last two days serenely locked into his Who Dat Safe Space. It's a mental locale with comfy recliners upholstered in waxed mustaches, all-you-can-drink Budwesier, and 15-foot projections of the 2006 MNF game.

At Chef's recommendation, even Jim Henderson checked into a Safe Space.

How does a Who Dat know that her/his Safe Space retreat has worked? Usually, it's an omen. Like a John Carney. Chef knew that he was ready to re-enter the world of the living this afternoon when he looked at the NFL waiver wire and realized that Olindo Mare is not irreplaceable.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Notes from the Adoration Chapel

Chef just returned from a 72-hour vigil at the local adoration chapel* and found the following in the back pocket of his chef pants. Apparently, it was left over from Sunday's Cafe 641 meeting with Mother Brid and her Bridgette**, who stopped by to say hello during the Ramsacking. Chef feels better now. Needs a beer. But feels better. 11-5. The dream is alive.

New Orleans Saints Rosary

Our Coach
Our Coach, who art on the sidelines, hallowed be Thy plays.
Thy special teams come, Thy will be done, in Dome as in the Bowl.
Give us this day our weekly win and forgive us our dropped passes as we forgive those who intercept against us.
And lead us not into overtime, but deliver us from the Texans.
Who Dat!

Hail Rita
Hail Rita, full of faith, the Coach is with Thee.
Blessed art thou among owners and blessed is the soul of thy team, the New Orleans Saints.
Holy Rita, Mother of Saints, pray for us fans now and at the hour of our kickoff.
Who Dat!

Glory Be
Glory be to the Coach, and the Quarterback, and the Running Back.
As it was in 2006, is now and ever shall be.
Wins without end.
Who Dat!

*Seriously. Chef lives next door to a re-modeled convent. And a 24-hour adoration chapel.
** The Krewe of Brid will debut this Carnival season as a marching organization on Harrison Ave. on the eve of January 11th, 2008. Much love, Mother Brid-ers.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Sacrificial Rams.

Sharpen your knives, girls and boys, and enjoy your lambs. It's game time.

Merci beaucoup: Raphael for the "Bulger-In-Your-Pants;" the B&B Kooky Kajun for the Potatoes Claude au Wroten, the Lack of Ram, and the Marc Bacon Double Cheesebulger; DJ Doberge and Saintseester for the Saintsational Stuffed Rack of Ram.

With apologies from the publisher to Ashley for going to press without his stellar Jim Haslett Mutton:
Recipe: Rub the mutton with garlic, rosemary, lemon, salt, and pepper. Think you are absolutely, completely, prepared. Don't just ignore the crowd watching you, but actively, tacitly disdain them. Place the mutton on a baking sheet and into a 225 degree oven. In 3 1/2 hours, realize that you forgot to rub olive oil on the mutton. Take mutton out of the oven, and wonder why it isn't ready yet. Blame the fans.
Eating Instructions: Carve yourself and your guests a nice piece of Haslett mutton. Say the blessing. Cut a piece of it. As you're lifting it to your mouth, you notice the overwhelming gaminess of the meat. You can't understand this, as it is definitely not a cheap cut. Oh no, this was ridiculously expensive.

Then you look at it. Rare as can be. Basically uncooked. Since the cook forgot to use oil, there's no browning at all. You wonder why people ever said this cook knew what he was doing.

As you try to force it down, you realize that with the same piece of meat, a good cook could have done truly amazing things.
Thanks Ashley.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

What Time Is It?

Game time.

Now, imagine that classic gridiron mantra screamed at high pitches by a litter of five- and six-year-olds, bouncing up and down like pogo sticks. If that don't get you amped for this Sunday's game against the St. Louis Lack of Rams, then Chef can't help you. (Seriously, if you can't picture the Sous Chef pimped out in a gold #12 jersey, bouncing up and down screaming "GAME TIME!" then your imagination suffers. Unless you answered, "It's Business Time." In which case, you money.)

It's also menu time. This week we're paying homage to a ritual dish: The Sacrificial Lamb.

The Cafe 641 menu suggestion board is now open.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Cafe Skins the Cat

Chef's heard too much already about how the Saints finally got over the hump against the AFC after dismantling the Jaguars yesterday. Cafe 641 knows that the Black and Gold wasn't struggling with the conference. It was the gamey-ness of the meat. Cat meat, to be specific.

There's more than one way to cook a cat, but the Saints just couldn't digest the kitty in 2006.

Sunday's Big Cat Barbeque game ball could go to Drew Brees. Or Marques Colston. Or the defensive line. Probably not so much Rico Suave. But, Chef would be cruel to deny a game ball from the upper reaches of the Upper Terrace.

Why, you ask? Well, it's not just because Lil' Reggie read every page of the Saints Gameday program. And it's not solely due to the Sous Chef rollin' with real human hair on his upper lip. We had an entire afternoon of good omens . . .

10:19 a.m. Chef is approached by a well-heeled Who Dat outside Gate A. After a minor altercation, Chef hands over two Golden Spoons and 20 Cafe 641 menus that eventually get distributed in Rita Benson LeBlanc's suite. (Chef later learns that Rita was a no-show and didn't get a menu -- but ya'll did see her kiss P-Diddy square on the lips after game, yes?).

12:07 p.m. Chef looks to his upper right and locates a crucial link to the Cafe's 2006 success: DJ Doberge and Big Chief Curly Head. Since their last appearance in Cafe 641, these Row 43 residents have added a new Who Dat to the family: Tyrannosaurus Dex. Chef hands over a custom slotted Golden Spoon on behalf of T-Dex, and the Saints promptly recover an onside kick.

12:31 p.m. Mojo pulls out a Maurice Jones-Stew voodoo doll, and the Cafe proceeds to pummel it with Golden Spoons. Hollis Thomas feels a sudden charge through his belly and smothers the Stew for no gain.

1:48 p.m. Chef lines up the Sous Chef and Lil' Reggie with a pile of menus and six Golden Spoons for a tour of the Upper Terrace in search of deserving Who Dats. They stop in Section 637, where they find a weary traveler from Alabama. Her killer Fleur-De-Nails take Chef's breath away, and he immediately bestows all six spoons on her family. (Merci beaucoup, Saintseester, for the reciprocal Fleur-De-Coins. Sort of like a Who Dat swap meet, yes?)

2:35 p.m. With the Saints up 24-17, and Quinn "The Gray Goose" driving the Jags downfield, Chef winds up his french loaf and goes "Bread Upside Ya Head." Mike McKenzie picks off the Goose and takes it to the house. Deuce "Upside Ya Head" McAllister looks up to Cafe 641 and smiles approvingly.

2:53 p.m. Nacho Libre's offspring breaks loose in the Cafe and delivers a much-needed service to Cafe 641 patrons: back massages. Chef knows a good business practice when he sees one and immediately hires the five-year-old as the Cafe Masseur. His starting wage? One bag of cotton candy for every five clients massaged.

2:57 p.m. The Cocktail Chef returns from her ritual tour of Superdome wine and bar vendors. She announces that Chip Brees, father of Drew Dat, has received and approved today's Cafe 641 menu. This follows a week 6 meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Faine and their tiny son Jeff, who also received a menu and Golden Spoon. Other reported menu recipients? Archbishop Hannan. The Brennan Family. (don't even think about making a higher offer, Dickie Brennan. Chef's got blood type 641+)

3:32 p.m. The Cocktail Chef forgets her winoculars as she leaves the Dome. "No worries," Chef thinks to himself. "I'll just hold on to these little babies until I see the Cocktail Chef next week. Hmmm, wonder if she was thirsty today?" The Cocktail Chef's comrade returned to find Chef pouring vodka down his throat. Sorry baby. Just making sure you was all legal.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

The Bigger the Cat . . .

It's show me time, Who Dats. And Marcus Stroud's is bigger than yours.

But when it comes to skinning the Big Cat, our defensive line (see Hollis Thomas) will feast on Maurice Jones-Stew and a Fried Fred Tail-or-Claw Platter tomorrow.

Don't forget to show the Saints Food Drive some love. Sunday is the last day to drop off canned goods in the boxes at Gates A & C.