Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Saint Hogan Joins Jamaal Brown on Injury List

Cafe 641 reported that Saint Hogan will be unavailable to play on Sunday against the New York Discount Airliners. Hogan suffered a sports hernia during the off-season and was extremely limited in the Saints season opener against the Lions. At one point during that contest, Hogan discarded his lovely wife and two small children to find solace hunching over an upper terrace seat. But, his spirited sprinkler, performed late in the third quarter, helped spark the Cafe into a frenzy and provided much needed veteran leadership.

Cafe 641 also revealed that Saint Hogan will be joining his offspring, Lil' Joe Dirt, in Chicago this weekend where they are staging a pay-back display at Soldier Field during the Lions/Bears game:

"We'll pick up some scalped tickets, Cheeeeffff. And we'll sit there in the cheap seats for the entire game wearing Bears t-shirts. And then, when that leeetle bastard from Georgia throws a touchdown in the last minute and the Deeeetriot Lions beat the Bears, we'll stand up Cheeeeeffff. We'll stand up and rip off our t-shirts to reveal our Saints jerseys. And then, Cheeeffff. We're gonna turn around and look at all them Bears, and we'll let 'em have a little: Pay-back's a bitch, ain't it!"

The mid-week status of other Cafe 641 regulars:
Jake "The Mojo": Probable (broken spoon)
DJ Doberge and Big Chief Curly Head: Questionable (disrupted sleep patterns)

Details on Sunday's pre-game pub crawl to follow. Link

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Airplane. The Menu.

Lousy airplane food inspires lousy airline performance. And for Cafe 641, it inspires this week's J-E-T-S Suck! Suck! Suck! menu. The suggestion box is open.

Smothered Jerichose Veins? Rex Ryan's All-U-Can-Suck Buffet?

Stay tuned for details of the Dash for the Dome bicycling pub crawl on Sunday morning.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The United Nations of NFL Spectatorship

Against my better judgment and ignoring explicit warnings against viewing any New Orleans Saints game within three hours of the Death Star, I observed the bizarre behavior of wingless birds from the over-air-conditioned confines of Shreveport's Buffalo Wild Wings. (I was returning from a visit to family, had the Sous Chef in tow, and couldn't risk trolling Natchitoches for a big-screen tv.)

The following observations confirm that Buffalo Wild Wings is really just a cover for the NFL Shop:
  • # of tables with confirmed Who Dats: 5
  • # of tables with confirmed douche bags Iggles: 2
  • # of lap-top computers plugged into outlets to get up-to-the-minute fantasy updates: see "# of tables with confirmed douche bags"
  • Ugliest jersey observed: #89
  • Least likely jersey observed: Wranglers
  • # of Redskins fans: 2
  • # of times a Green Bay husband, wife, and 2-year-old ask waitress to change one of projection tv's to show Green Bay lose to Cincinnati: 5
  • # of times bar erupts with shouting after an Atlanta Falcons 1st down: 4
  • # of "Who Dat" chants: 1
Damn. My head's all muddled. 48 points. But every time I blink, all I see is a montage of . . .

Is something crazy about to happen?

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Lions Sleep Tonight

Personal Foul. #9. Offense.

Get your yellow weighted flags ready.

The moment a certain blue & silvered slab of fresh meat crosses the hash marks with a #9 affixed to his jersey, there ought to be 69,000 penalty flags thrown.

False Start. Impersonation of a NFL quarterback. Illegal use of the #9. Encroachment.

Throw the whole damn book at Matty's Fresh Meat Pie.

Lioness voodoo doll courtesy of Carol who will arrive at the Sacredome aboard the Fleur-de-Vespa driven by HowieLuvzus who will join voodoo doll-makin' Carol in Cafe 641 courtesy of T-Dex's old man & old lady whose generosity was prompted by Ruby Slippers. Ya heard?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Dirtiest Dog?

Buy Terranova's sausage. It tastes better than Calvin's Johnson, a dirty-water dog that has sat boiling in 0-16 for the last nine months.

But what's this about 10-6? Carry the 6 and transpose the 0.
16-0. Ya feel me?

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Fresh Meat

Matty Staff on a stick? That would be the chef's special if Jeff Charleston was in the kitchen.

Cafe 641 opens the 2009 season with an open call for "The Lions Sleep Tonight" menu. All preparations of Lion, Lioness, and miscellaneous Canadian Football League castoffs are welcome.

Post menu ideas in comments below.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Cafe Signs New Waitress

Cafe 641 announced this morning that Ruby Slippers was signed and added to the practice kitchen. The signing had been expected since Ms. Slippers' birth, just three days after the Cafe's annual Dash for the 'Stache. Contract negotiations with her season-ticket-holding-handlers took longer than expected, but talks heated considerably after the appearance of the "Thick Pencil" (shown below cradling Ms. Slippers.) Ms. Ruby Slippers is expected to shore up the revolving door that is Section 641, Row 43, Seats 7-8.