Cafe Skins the Cat

Chef's heard too much already about how the Saints finally got over the hump against the AFC after dismantling the Jaguars yesterday. Cafe 641 knows that the Black and Gold wasn't struggling with the conference. It was the gamey-ness of the meat. Cat meat, to be specific.

There's more than one way to cook a cat, but the Saints just couldn't digest the kitty in 2006.

Sunday's Big Cat Barbeque game ball could go to Drew Brees. Or Marques Colston. Or the defensive line. Probably not so much Rico Suave. But, Chef would be cruel to deny a game ball from the upper reaches of the Upper Terrace.

Why, you ask? Well, it's not just because Lil' Reggie read every page of the Saints Gameday program. And it's not solely due to the Sous Chef rollin' with real human hair on his upper lip. We had an entire afternoon of good omens . . .

10:19 a.m. Chef is approached by a well-heeled Who Dat outside Gate A. After a minor altercation, Chef hands over two Golden Spoons and 20 Cafe 641 menus that eventually get distributed in Rita Benson LeBlanc's suite. (Chef later learns that Rita was a no-show and didn't get a menu -- but ya'll did see her kiss P-Diddy square on the lips after game, yes?).

12:07 p.m. Chef looks to his upper right and locates a crucial link to the Cafe's 2006 success: DJ Doberge and Big Chief Curly Head. Since their last appearance in Cafe 641, these Row 43 residents have added a new Who Dat to the family: Tyrannosaurus Dex. Chef hands over a custom slotted Golden Spoon on behalf of T-Dex, and the Saints promptly recover an onside kick.

12:31 p.m. Mojo pulls out a Maurice Jones-Stew voodoo doll, and the Cafe proceeds to pummel it with Golden Spoons. Hollis Thomas feels a sudden charge through his belly and smothers the Stew for no gain.

1:48 p.m. Chef lines up the Sous Chef and Lil' Reggie with a pile of menus and six Golden Spoons for a tour of the Upper Terrace in search of deserving Who Dats. They stop in Section 637, where they find a weary traveler from Alabama. Her killer Fleur-De-Nails take Chef's breath away, and he immediately bestows all six spoons on her family. (Merci beaucoup, Saintseester, for the reciprocal Fleur-De-Coins. Sort of like a Who Dat swap meet, yes?)

2:35 p.m. With the Saints up 24-17, and Quinn "The Gray Goose" driving the Jags downfield, Chef winds up his french loaf and goes "Bread Upside Ya Head." Mike McKenzie picks off the Goose and takes it to the house. Deuce "Upside Ya Head" McAllister looks up to Cafe 641 and smiles approvingly.

2:53 p.m. Nacho Libre's offspring breaks loose in the Cafe and delivers a much-needed service to Cafe 641 patrons: back massages. Chef knows a good business practice when he sees one and immediately hires the five-year-old as the Cafe Masseur. His starting wage? One bag of cotton candy for every five clients massaged.

2:57 p.m. The Cocktail Chef returns from her ritual tour of Superdome wine and bar vendors. She announces that Chip Brees, father of Drew Dat, has received and approved today's Cafe 641 menu. This follows a week 6 meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Faine and their tiny son Jeff, who also received a menu and Golden Spoon. Other reported menu recipients? Archbishop Hannan. The Brennan Family. (don't even think about making a higher offer, Dickie Brennan. Chef's got blood type 641+)

3:32 p.m. The Cocktail Chef forgets her winoculars as she leaves the Dome. "No worries," Chef thinks to himself. "I'll just hold on to these little babies until I see the Cocktail Chef next week. Hmmm, wonder if she was thirsty today?" The Cocktail Chef's comrade returned to find Chef pouring vodka down his throat. Sorry baby. Just making sure you was all legal.