Reading is FUNdamental

One day removed from their Good Samaritan gesture (and Devery's failure to fall from a roof), Saints players were back on the goodwill trail yesterday. Sedrick Ellis and Tracy Porter made a special appearance at the Main Library downtown for a children's reading program.

Here's the details from Mother Mary, recently employed by the New Orleans library system (excellent hire!):

aah, Chef! It warmed the cockles of my heart to see Mr. Porter and Mr. Ellis brave the rainstorm & street flooding this afternoon to read not one, not two, but three books to a roomful of young Who Dats at the New Orleans Public Library's Main Branch.

Wish you coulda seen it.

Here's a pic of me and two of the newest Saints, and another of the mark they've left on me forever.

Yours in the Faith,

Mother Mary

Only two questions, Mother Mary. You smiling and we can't see your hands: what's up with that? Are those books they're holding a gift from the public library system?

Bright White Warning

Just a friendly summer vacation warning from Chef: all but the most fierce Who Dats should probably steer clear of the Gulf Coast beach region between Gulf Shores and Mobile Bay next week.

Chef is toying with a summer Who Dat tribute on his chest while sunning at the beach. The idea sprouted this morning after the following exchange with the Mrs. (and after hearing Super Saint Girl rock her cabbage ball team's pep chant all week):

Mrs. Chef (a.k.a. The Entity . . . The Enigma . . . The Who Dat Cougar): Dude. Put your shirt back on. You're pasty white. Bright white. Not cool.

Chef: Oh yeah?

Mrs. Chef: Yeah.

Chef: Step off cougar. My name is Bright White and you know what I got?

Mrs. Chef: So what you got?

Chef: I got a chest that's whiter than white.

Mrs. Chef: How white is white?

Chef: You know that chef who cooks up the rice?

Mrs. Chef: Uh huh, uh huh.

Chef: My chest is whiter than the whitest of rice.

So in your face.

Your tan's a disgrace.

I'm gonna shake my Bright White all over the place.

Sayin' we will, we will rock you down, blow you up, like a volcano that's bout to erupt.

Look out world, here he comes, Bright White is number one.

Okay. Now to the real news. Considering the virtues of a fleur-de-lis tan next week. Would that qualify me for free Dome Foam from anyone?

Minicamp Heroes

Nola Chick should have the Pecs in the City scouting report later this weekend. All we've got is a report from the Cafe 641 trenches, which were graciously upgraded to a VIP tent sponsored by Tom Benson's latest media acquisition. From that shaded endzone viewpoint, the Chef could easily observe the following:

* Fox 8 does NOT support Anheuser Busch products. (But Chef will not complain about unlimited free Coors Light, catered chili dogs, or Zapps chips).

* Kim Holden is hot! Jon Stinchcomb not so much.

* Ronnie Ghent made the catch of the morning on a dart from Brees, a receiver-like dive along the sideline past the outstretched hands of Tracy Porter.

* David Patten is ten years older AND smarter than Usama Young. On a hitch and go, Patten hitched a friggin' horse, tied it to a post, gave it water, polished his boots, and still was four steps in front of Young. Oh yeah, there was also that head fake before the hitch that had Young breaking the wrong way.

* The Train Wreck may have lost weight.

* Bobby McCray blew up a running play in the backfield on at least one occasion.

* Rookie free agent DE Marcus Pittman told the Chef after practice that he will make the team. Good luck with that. I'm behind you.

* Jason David threw up the Q with a fan after practice.

* J. David was the only Saints player who removed his jersey before approaching fans to sign autographs. Hmmm. Explanations on this one?

* Reggie Bush and Skyler Green were the last Saints players to leave the practice field after signing autographs for 30 minutes. Other late signers included: Charles Grant, Jason David, Drew Brees, and Scott Fujita.

Pop Goes the Warner

In a moving display of family loyalty, Cafe 641 announced a petition drive to have its own Mr. Rita Benson-LeBlanc nominated as a Pop Warner All-American Little Scholar. Mr. Rita's commitment to football and cheerleading -- both activities that Pop Warner, Inc. proudly supports -- deserve recognition.

Let's compare the All-American criteria with Mr. Rita's resume:
All-American: is currently in grade 5 or higher
Mr. Rita: is definitely past grade 5

All-American: has a grade point average of 97% or higher
Mr. Rita: graded out at a 98.6% Superdome fan efficiency during the 2007 regular season

All-American: has a complete prior year's report card
Mr. Rita: has a complete 2007 report card, watermarked with an official Cafe 641 logo, and signed by Chef Who Dat

It's simple really. Mr. Rita's nomination was overlooked -- and possibly discarded -- due to his advanced age (27 years, give or take a year). And the solution is just as simple: Mr. Rita should receive a special invite to tonight's Pop Warner Little Scholars, Inc. awards banquet and receive distinction from his mentor, Ms. Rita Benson-Leblanc.

Here's what Ms. Rita Benson-LeBlanc said on Mr. Rita's behalf:

"Across America, Pop Warner is touching and enhancing many young lives, and I am thrilled to touch Mr. Rita on behalf of such an impactful organization."

Please support the Cafe's last-minute petition by adding your support of our candidate in our comments section.

Want Maximum NFL Pleasure?

Because a fuhrer should never be satisfied with just regulating hair styles, Roger G is promoting a new line of NFL enhancement. From the T-P's coverage of this week's NFL owner's meeting, we learn:

"We think our in-stadium experience is extremely important," Goodell said. "We're going to be working with the clubs in order to improve that. We want everyone to come to our stadiums, behave properly, enjoy the experience but don't ruin it for others. We'll be focusing on that."

Hmmm. In-stadium experience? You mean beer prices, beer distribution efficiency, and tasering of fans who sit quietly when their team is on defense? That sort of thing?

"Goodell said he attended a game last year strictly as a fan, sitting in two locations along with his teenage niece at a stadium he would not identify. He said the experience was different in each location, one in the sideline upper deck, the other in the end zone."

Let a Chef read between the lines Roger on this new fan behavior policy you be hinting at:

1. You've been to heaven.

2. Heaven was located somewhere near the top of an unidentified NFL stadium.

3. It was immensely pleasurable for you. You might even say your NFL experience was ENHANCED.

4. You were so ENHANCED, you might even say that you wanted to trade bodies with your teenage niece so you had more years to enjoy it.

5. You now realize that every fan should have this taste of heaven, this ENHANCEMENT, this euphoria of NFL pleasure.

6. You will now commit considerable NFL resources to a mandatory fan training video that becomes required viewing for any fan sitting outside of the upper deck.

That's what you mean, right Roger?

"Goodell said the fan behavior policy will be in place before the start of the season."

UPDATE: Roger elaborates a bit:

"It's very possible and likely that people can come to a game and enjoy alcoholic beverages or beer and do it very responsibly," Goodell said. "What we don't want is there to become abusive behavior. That includes foul language. That includes disrupting other people who are there to enjoy the game."

Oh, yeah. That clears it up. Thanks mein fuhrer. We'll make sure the Cafe falls in line quickly. Just after you speak with the J-E-T-S.

Hazing Season Opens.

It happens every May. Just after Jazz Fest and just before Mother's Day.

They arrive with bright faces, open minds, and hearts full of hope. They come both underweight and overweight. With both highly regarded pedigrees and little known pasts. Some claim to be in perfect shape. Others keep their mouths shut.

In every case, though, they deserve the same (with some safety considerations, of course):













Looks like Saints staffers have kicked the 2008 NFL Hazing Season with the distribution of these photos. (Thanks Saintsational for the heads up.) Cafe 641 would like to contribute to Hazing Season by echoing Canal Street Chronicles call for captions:

"Yes. We are completely serious. All our OTs wear a 12-14 jersey. Welcome to the NFL."





"Yo Rico. How ya like me now?"












Chef takes a pass on this one with all confidence in the world that Grandmaster Wang or NOLAchick will take care of business.

Lend Me Some Sugar.

You know when Andre 3000 asks, "What's colder than cold?" And you respond, "Ice cold." Well, you might want to re-think that after tomorrow morning.

After tomorrow morning, you might be saying, "D to the -illy."

A certain Upper Terrace Who Dat is about to set our Who Dat Offseason Training Activities on fire. A certain Upper Terrace Who Dat is about to guarantee that Saints opponents are uncomfortable in their skin when they play in the SacreDome in 2008. A certain Upper Terrace Who Dat is about to do something so incredibly strong, it defies logic.

More to come, but you should probably just check out the original source over the next few days. Brilliance is stewing.


In other news, Chef appreciated so much Hana and Ashley's oldest daughter today during her kindergarten Art Attack performance at Lusher Elementary. Fusing drama with art theory, Katerina played a painter/composer who directed all sorts of colors, shapes, and lines (played by other 5- and 6-year-olds) to do as she requested to form her visual art masterpiece. It was organized chaos, but the end result was real nice. And it made Chef think of her dad, Ashley, in the SacreDome, directing his peeps in Section 635.