Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Want Maximum NFL Pleasure?

Because a fuhrer should never be satisfied with just regulating hair styles, Roger G is promoting a new line of NFL enhancement. From the T-P's coverage of this week's NFL owner's meeting, we learn:
"We think our in-stadium experience is extremely important," Goodell said. "We're going to be working with the clubs in order to improve that. We want everyone to come to our stadiums, behave properly, enjoy the experience but don't ruin it for others. We'll be focusing on that."

Hmmm. In-stadium experience? You mean beer prices, beer distribution efficiency, and tasering of fans who sit quietly when their team is on defense? That sort of thing?

"Goodell said he attended a game last year strictly as a fan, sitting in two locations along with his teenage niece at a stadium he would not identify. He said the experience was different in each location, one in the sideline upper deck, the other in the end zone."

Let a Chef read between the lines Roger on this new fan behavior policy you be hinting at:

1. You've been to heaven.

2. Heaven was located somewhere near the top of an unidentified NFL stadium.

3. It was immensely pleasurable for you. You might even say your NFL experience was ENHANCED.

4. You were so ENHANCED, you might even say that you wanted to trade bodies with your teenage niece so you had more years to enjoy it.

5. You now realize that every fan should have this taste of heaven, this ENHANCEMENT, this euphoria of NFL pleasure.

6. You will now commit considerable NFL resources to a mandatory fan training video that becomes required viewing for any fan sitting outside of the upper deck.

That's what you mean, right Roger?

"Goodell said the fan behavior policy will be in place before the start of the season."
UPDATE: Roger elaborates a bit:
"It's very possible and likely that people can come to a game and enjoy alcoholic beverages or beer and do it very responsibly," Goodell said. "What we don't want is there to become abusive behavior. That includes foul language. That includes disrupting other people who are there to enjoy the game."
Oh, yeah. That clears it up. Thanks mein fuhrer. We'll make sure the Cafe falls in line quickly. Just after you speak with the J-E-T-S.

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