Chef issued the following statement yesterday in an attempt to explain his absence and subsequent transformation:
"Sometime between falling face first into his uneaten bowl of Horse Shank Gumbo and his 50oth viewing of Coach Mora's post-game assessment, Chef found his way into St. Bernard Parish, heading down the road on Judge Perez to the end of the world, where he figured at least the serene sound of water lapping against what used to be Delacroix Island when calm his soul.
Instead, he stumbled onto Supa Saint's post-game leap from the St. Bernard Civic Center, which Chef misjudged for an ill-fated attempt to turn back time by flying around the world in rapid counter circles as only Supa Saint can. At the last moment, then, Chef turned West, hopped a freight train, and found himself somewhere between Dallas and El Paso by Friday morning.
This is where Chef vaguely recalls his abduction by the Holy Order of Jedi Chefs. Chef awoke from his deep inter-state slumber to find himself on a West Texas cattle ranch with a small, green Yoda-like Chef strapped to his back and surrounded by some tricked-out kitchen light sabers.
"Who Dat, homey," the little Yoda Chef barked. "Uh, okay. Who Dat," Chef replied. Then there was complete silence for four hours. Finally, unable to withstand any more confusion, Chef stammered, "No offense, little man. But can a Chef get a little explanation here?"
"Quiet you will be, young Jedi Chef. The same we are as normal Jedi be. But cook we also do."
The rest is carefully documented on the inimitable website: www.jedichefs.com. Chef Who Dat expects his mental and emotional acumen to improve significantly after his Jedi abduction. He apologizes for not calling his mother during the six-day affair.