Unloose the Deuce! (feature-length film version)

Unloose the Deuce!

Archdiocese of New Orleans Announces Deuce Vigil

Our Deuce, who art in limbo,
Hallowed be thy knees.
Thy first carry come.
Thy first down be done.
On turf as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily Deuce.
And forgive us our coaches,
as we forgive those who know not your signature down nor distance.
And lead us not into closed holes along the line of scrimmage,
but deliver us from third and one. Amen.

A Prayer for the Deuce-olution

In response to the call . . .

Deliver us, oh Deuce, from any coach who knows not your signature down nor your signature distance. Deliver us, oh Deuce, from every loss of yardage on 3rd and 1. Deliver us, oh Deuce, from every miner of gold, and grant us victory in our day. In your long awaited crossing of the line of scrimmage, keep us free from injury and protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for Golden Jerry Romig to bellow “1st Down Saints!” as you carry overpowered 49ers downfield.

As seen on Sesame Street

Because Little Tuna refused to acknowledge the wisdom of Berto's oracle, here's a signpost observed this weekend on Sesame Street. It's meaning cannot be more clear:

Can't Harsh My Mellow

Ya heard, Riding-the-Pine Nuts? This weekend, this coming out party for a sickle cell defense, this statement game, this dismantling of South Park lampoons. Even your shittiness, oh Mr. Pine Nuts, even your shittiness can't harsh this mellow.

Defend New Orleans (and other observations)

In lieu of post-game analysis and grades that other Who Dats handle with far more discretion, I'm going with a list of observations to move from gin-induced, game 2 headache to week 3:

* Friday, Sept. 12: After Chef's full-time employer safely closed its facilities to protect the interests of all its valued employees from the tornadic threats of Ike, Chef retreated to a bunker on Bienville Street, Liuzza's, for a fish bowl or four of amber, a Frenchuletta, and the ice-filled tile-backed toilet trough. Not a bad way to start a NFL weekend.

* Saturday, Sept. 13: A late invite to a family birthday celebration for a 22-year-old nephew resulted in a cochon plate, double-stuffed potato, and cracklins at Cochon. More important was the opportunity to visit the restaurant's handsomely appointed men's room, where just to the left of the wash basin I found a framed photo of the Defender of New Orleans setting off the Dome on September 25, 2006. The Defender had signed it thusly: "Cochon! Defend New Orleans! Steve Gleason #37" Defend New Orleans indeed. Never mind Fed-Ex field. Steps have been taken.

* Sunday, Sept. 14: On second thought, cuban black beans with smoked sausage, cilantro chicken tacos, and habanero cheese stuffed sausages may not be the best meal to serve with the heartburn that a team coached by the slowly fattening-Sean Payton provides.

* Monday, Sept. 15: See Sunday, Sept. 14, especially "heartburn."