Ten things I would graciously offer in exchange for a Monday Night Football victory:
10. The rainbow that floated above the CBD yesterday afternoon after an earlier downpour.
9. The Madame Alexander Vi-Queen doll that comes with every Childress Plate.
8. The 5-second inhalation of Jim Beam from Hogan's touchdown wine skin that I ingested after Reggie's second punt return.
7. A game-used loaf of Leidenheimer's that was broken during last night's Cafe 641 communion ceremony.
6. A dirty dog.
5. The risque image of Special-K (Chef's niece) pushing the smokers around in the Cafe 641 men's room and demanding a stall.
4. An assortment pack of mustaches game-used by the ladies of Cafe 641 (The Entity; Proud Mary; the Cocktail Chef; Special-K; Dianne; Absolut Pamela, etc.) during the Hail 'Stache prayer.
3. Martina's left nut.
2. Martina's va-jay-jay.
1. Martina Grammatilova.