***NOTE: Fourth in a series of bare-all, expose profiles that allows Chef to e-hibernate this off season with a clear conscience.
Look left. Now look lower left. Look at the intense, upward looking face streaked with eye black. Look at the high-five concentration. Look at the delirious smile. This, my fellow Who Dats, is the face of Red Carpet D, a Cafe 641 family member who holds it down on Row 40.
The profile? Let Chef begin thusly . . .
* D forgets to set his clock back for daylight savings time, and shows up at Dome three hours before the Ravens game. Chef spots him at the players' red carpet entry site, banging on the police barricades, inciting the crowd with 9 a.m. "Who Dat?!!"
* D continues his Red Carpet stakeouts throughout the season, delivering a highly anticipated team report to Cafe 641. D's arrival to Row 40 goes something like this:
Cafe 641: "Who Dat D?!"
D: "Who Dat peeps!"
Cafe 641: "How'd the boys look this morning, D?"
D: "Lookin' good, livin' well. Coach is drinking Cafe Au Lait today. Brought his son to work. Will was listenin' to Lil Jon on the iPod. Fujita gave the valet driver a samurai bow. Drew healed a paralyzed boy's legs. Joe let me borrow his cell phone to call my mom for her birthday. We'll be fine today. The boys are ready."
* Red Carpet D raises the stakes on his level of Who Dat-itis. Mid-way through the season, he shaves his head on both sides, leaving an impressive mohawk-like streak of hair on top that he bleaches blonde and sculpts into intimidating spikes that keep visiting fans away from the Cafe.
* D raises the goodluck high-five to new heights. Never satisfied to high-five only Row 40 Who Dats, D treats every first down like the Sign O' Peace at Mass. After slapping hands with Row 40, he singles out crucial Cafe 641 family on Rows 41-43, waiting as long as 60 seconds to get that Who Dat Dap.