Chef Who Dat

Swamp Coast Offense

2012-01-14T10:29:00.002-06:00

Bob Marshall, the T-P environmental/sportsman's paradise/sports journalist extraordinaire, offers this analysis:

Sean Payton is the new Bill Walsh. He's taken that legend's West Coast offense to a new level. Call it the Swamp Coast Offense; defenses get stuck in it and are never seen again. These Saints demoralize opponents the way those old 49ers teams did, with an incredible quarterback running an offense that's always one step ahead - especially in the fourth quarter.

Oh yeah. And Steps Have Been Taken[tm] in Candlestick.

Schwartz' Lions: 15 Yards of Unnecessary Roughage

2012-01-07T12:58:00.001-06:00

Send 'em All Home ...

2012-01-07T08:23:00.002-06:00

I'm a little late to view this mic-ed up NFL video, but at around the :15 second mark, we learn Coach Payton's pre-game drug of choice and seconds later that Drew walks 'em into the Dome only to send them all home.

Here Kitty

2012-01-05T11:53:00.001-06:00

January 1, 20-Two Dat

2011-12-31T20:30:00.002-06:00

Oh Baby, Drew. Drew Got What I Need ...

2011-12-31T18:22:00.010-06:00

Wang reminds us that we make the rules. So in the spirit of "it's all about us," here's how Bistro threw down on the night that Drew threw down. As always, photos courtesy of Ms. Shootz to Kill.

Chef & Bride pre-gamin' at Finn's
(t-shirts were anniversary gifts from my New Orleans lady. We 14 years strong.)

The Mindbender w/ the Bistro Girls

"You can't fly in the flightless Superdome!"

Party Rockin' at Supertrooper's Tailgate

This must be what it feels like to live in Atlanta ...

"Did you hear the one about Roddy White?"

Imagine a Dome without Mercedes-Benz

Rich people, don't stop Drew Breesin', hold onto that record-breakin' season!

Sloppy Seconds

2011-12-25T20:54:00.001-06:00

You can't spell "fail" without ...

2011-12-23T12:43:00.001-06:00

Fail-con Flashback

2011-12-23T12:35:00.002-06:00

We try very hard to avoid any personal contact with the ATL virus (symptoms include an insatiable appetite for Applebees), but every now and then the Bistro takes a look back in time.

Take this archive, for instance. 27 pages of Fail-con Forum posts that walk you through the life of a low-flying Dirty Bird on February 7, 2010 during Lombardi Gras.

This is Detroit.

2011-12-04T15:56:00.003-06:00

Prime Time Apple Clobber

2011-11-27T17:49:00.000-06:00

Tampa Bay: "We are pretenders."

2011-11-05T14:16:00.002-05:00

No Peyton? No Wins. Hoosier Daddy?

2011-10-23T07:59:00.002-05:00

Views from the Bistro: Houston We Had a Problem

2011-10-23T07:46:00.011-05:00

A little late, but the added bonus is that since late September, Houston finally put away its Johnson and is no longer relevant. Thanks for the memories, Texans.

In honor of the absent Hogan ... It's Sprinkler Time!

St. John the Baptist

The Superdome as seen through the eyes of the Adult Industry Chef

Hell's Kitchen

Denim & Shootz

The 649 Bistro Social Aid & Pleasure Club

Big Chief Curly Hair & Entity Jr.

The Superdome as seen through the eyes of Supertrooper

Throw Back ...

2011-09-25T07:32:00.000-05:00

... to the rebirth.

Soul is Waterproof.

2011-09-25T07:12:00.003-05:00

St. Gleason, inspire us.

Houston, we have a problem.

2011-09-25T07:10:00.002-05:00

Life in the Bistro: Jay Sprained his Cutlet

2011-09-20T19:11:00.015-05:00

Taking a cue from Dave over at Canal Street Chronicles and the four-year Upper Terrace documentary efforts of Ms. Shootz to Kill, I'm gonna take a shot at bleary-eyed views from Bistro 649. Looking for field, sideline and Saintsation close-ups? Dave's got you covered. Us? We find ourselves documenting the art of roofbanging.

pray for us ...

St. John the Baptist

Saintsation

Dome Attendant Hall of Famer, St. Arnold

Beaver Spank 2011

Dilly & Ashley Morris, circa 2007

What the dirty dog has been reduced to

The Entity & Shootz

Stachin' double

Handsome Willy's resident crustacean crusades against Porn

Handsome Willy's ...

2011-09-18T16:51:00.004-05:00

Photo: Ms. Shootz to Kill

... where Bears come to die. Wobble, Wobble.

After the Fall ...

2011-09-17T12:00:00.001-05:00

Remember it. Taste it. Erase it.

Soldier Field Middle Finger Sandwiches

2011-09-17T11:54:00.002-05:00

Please tip your server. On account of ... it's on.

Finishing What Chicago Started

2011-09-15T13:11:00.002-05:00

Veal Cutler w/ Sprained Ligament Linguine doesn't even begin to explain the inspiration behind this weekend's menu. But GWang does. A must read.

Oh Lawdy, Oh Lawdy ...

2011-09-08T09:19:00.002-05:00

Oh Lawdy, Oh Lawdy.
Oh Lawdy, It's a Black & Gold Party!

Thus began the drive time this morning to the turntable stylings of Big Abe,DJ Chicken, and 102.9's Power Posse.

Ever hear "I Believe" set to a bounce track? Well, it was that kind of morning on the drive to Ashley Morris' gravesite prayer reading.

Moose Denied has some culinary references here. Who Dat.

Cheese Stache

2011-09-05T10:38:00.002-05:00

Aaron Rodgers: "I'm not a full-time mustache guy."

No. No you're not. And when the lip curtains finally open on Thursday night, the whole world will know.

Loomis Cuts Saintsations

2011-09-03T06:08:00.002-05:00

Expecting to make final 53-man roster decisions after Thursday night's final preseason game, The Loomis decided that the only changes needed were in the (cheerleading) secondary. Game, set, match. See you in Indy.

The Saints Are Coming

2011-08-29T08:39:00.001-05:00

6 years after ...

The Loomis

2011-08-25T08:44:00.003-05:00

Blake and Co. debut a new Black & Gold tee:

Stache-tacular

2011-08-25T08:39:00.002-05:00

Access the damage from the 4th Annual Dash for the Stache here and here.

End result will be known in February in a certain domed facility found in the Midwest.

Joe Horn Cooking Show in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ...

2011-08-22T12:41:00.002-05:00

Jeffrey's got the video. Joe's got the sauce. Chef's got the menu idea.

The Stache Is On the Building!

2011-08-21T13:54:00.002-05:00

Dash details to follow ... but surely this face says it all.

Hail 'Stache 2011

2011-08-19T14:18:00.002-05:00

HAIL ‘STACHE

Hail Fleur-de-Stache, full of faith, the Black & Gold is with Thee. Blessed art thou among fleur-de-lis and blessed is the soul of thy team, the New Orleans Saints.

Holy ‘Stache, Patron Saint of Who Dat Mustachios, pray for our Bless You Boys at the hour of their kickoff.

Let us be thankful for the flavors we’ve already savored: a resurrected Sacredome, a Deuce upside your head, a Meach-around, an old man’s pants on the ground, a Thanksgiving Day Jenkins jack, and a party with Lombardi.

Sustain our lungs and livers, oh ‘Stache, and train our Dome Foam strainers to remain steady in the face of every 2011 obstacle, be it dirty bird, bastard Bear, or the spoiled loin fruits of St. Archie.

As we place Thy sacred hair upon these fleur-de-lips, we honor the Black & Gold that have come before us: St. Buddy, pray for us. St. Dulymus, guide us. Dome Patrol, defend us. St. Gleason, inspire us.

Grant us faith, oh ‘Stache, as we commit these fleur-de-lip sweaters to the season of roofbanging before us. For thine is the kingdom of Who Dats, the power running game, and the gris gris.

Who Dat!

Dash for the 'Stache Supply List

2011-08-18T08:16:00.003-05:00

Dash for the 'Stache Supply List

Black & Gold Decorated bikes? Yes.
Warm weather Saints gear? Yes.
Your own personal mustache to apply once we hit the Dome? uh-huh.

If you like it, you shoulda put a stache on it

2011-08-16T06:56:00.003-05:00

WHAT: Cafe 641's 4th annual bicycle pub crawl to kick off the 2011 New Orleans Saints season.

WHEN/WHERE: Saturday, August 20, 2011

Buddy D. gravesite memorial: 12:00 p.m.

Start: 1 p.m. at Mid-City Bulldog (depart 1:45 p.m. sharp)

Stops: Mid-City Yacht Club, Finn McCool's, ?mystery bar?, Superdome.

End: Saints vs. Texans pre-season game viewing at 7 p.m. (bar location to be determined)

The Right Occasion

2011-08-16T06:46:00.003-05:00

Other appropriate handlebar occasions include, but are not limited to:

dinner & drinks in Bistro 649
romantic bicycle rides down Banks St.
graveside memorial services

(via Michael Homan who, sadly, drinks Heineken Light)

Pick up the phone and call somebody!

2011-08-14T16:41:00.005-05:00

From Jeffrey, we learn that Joe Horn did indeed use his 2006 smoked and pulled groin jerkey as the base for a post-football business venture:

Joe Horn's Bayou 87 Barbeque Sauce!

Say Joe. You looking for a sauce boss?

Yes, indeed.

Follicles Delight

2011-08-13T18:35:00.003-05:00

Stache Dashers, 2010

It's that time of year again. Ready thy bikes. Ready thy livers. Ready thy upper lips.

Mustaches shall be consecrated on ...

Saturday, August 20!

Details to be released soon, but we start at Mid City Bulldog sometime after noon, pub crawl to the Dome (Mid City Yacht Club, Finn McCool's, etc.) to apply ceremonial staches and then end up somewhere else near Dome or Mid City (Handsome Willy's? Finn's? Bayou Beer Garden?) to watch Saints @ Texans pre-season game for 7 p.m.

Mining for Gold

2011-08-12T11:42:00.003-05:00

No menus until we finish what the Bears started, but tonight's pre-season tussle with the 49ers does allow us to look a few years back to a Sunday afternoon when Saint Dulymus was invoked. Solid gold indeed.

A Meditation on 11

2011-08-12T11:23:00.002-05:00

To be honest, I never thought last season's 11 wins seemed so impressive until I viewed, in succession ...

the Thanksgiving Day Jenkins Jank
HOFer-to be Jimmy Graham's catch at the Ravens
Will Smith tea-bagging sack of Ben Roethlesberger
MNF at Atlanta and Pierre Thomas

Pre-season is for Pretenders

2011-08-12T10:31:00.005-05:00

It's worth saying twice: pre-season is for pretenders, on account of contenders already be flashing mid-season form.

Plaza dwellers might make an extra trip to the video-splayed toilet environs at tonight's Sacredome Extreme Makeover party, but up in the Terrace Towers, we'll be kicking back with Dirty Denim's Jim Beam flask, incognito style. No stache til da Bears. But that don't mean we ain't already in mid-season form ...

Enter the following in the "Bistro 649 Bout to Blow Up" evidence pool:

Exhibit A:

Ms. Shootz to Kill & Adult Industry Chef & family
(a summer pre-K project that reps. the almighty Stache)

Exhibit B
Droopy Dog

(see that Stomper in the background? 641 alumnus & all kinds of proud that The Entity and Shorty Chef were still standing after the 610 Stomper Ball Crawl back in June)

Exhibit C
Imaginative Hat Stache
(The Entity takes the Most Imaginative Stache category at Pete's Annual Mustache Party by wearing a 20s style flapper Hat Stache. Boom.)

Mannings to Retire?

2011-06-15T21:53:00.003-05:00

Or is this just how Archie's loin fruits spend their off-season?

Yo, Peyton, Eli! Porn Chef called. He wants his mustache back.

gracias, homan, for the find.

I've got a feeling ...

2011-06-07T10:34:00.002-05:00

Black Eyed Peas (click Ball Crawl link!) be damned. This feeling is more indescribable, almost like a dirty dog, but somehow cleaner. It's a ....

Come git u some on Saturday with Sean "Bjorn Borg" Niehus of 610 Stomper and Cafe 641 fame. 2 p.m. at Mid-City Yacht Club.

Mediation Strategy #872 (bring the wood)

2011-06-03T08:54:00.003-05:00

On behalf of K. Gates, Bistro 649 offers the following message to NFL owners and the NFLPA:

video work by the prolific BMike of 2-Cent

"wood" irony courtesy of St. Aug

Mediation Strategy #721

2011-03-29T09:19:00.005-05:00

Perhaps the owners and players didn't try hard enough at the mediation table. This simple lesson might pay big dividends:

Look your opposition in the eye. And offer a compliment. Demonstration follows:

Believe. Still.

2011-01-13T08:45:00.002-06:00

Leidenheimer Loaf of SeaGull

2011-01-08T12:22:00.001-06:00

A prayer offered along with a french bread totem of Seahawk by the lake this afternoon.

Bless you boys and these Leidenheimer loaves of Seagull, which we offer through our own Saintly Pontchatrain water fowl on behalf of a wild Wildcard; on behalf of Bush and Brees and Colston; on behalf of Gregg Williams; on behalf of a defensive pelvic thrust; on behalf of bombs, blitzes, and goal-line blasts; and on behalf of a home NFC Championship game. We believe in the ghost of Buddy D. We believe in the Holy Who Dat Nation, the communion of Saints, the power of the fans, the resurrection of New Orleans, and another Black and Gold Super Bowl. Two Dat!

Trading Places

2011-01-01T11:03:00.002-06:00

Hey, ATL, we'll give you a Buc-whippin' and a 5 seed for the 1 seed you've been keeping warm for us.

Who Dats ... Happy New Year!

Buc-jump over to Dilly's site for Sunday's menu.

Ms. Shootz to Kill's camera will soon tell the story.

Fla-Vor-Ice!

2010-12-28T11:01:00.002-06:00

MNF discoveries ...

Victory lap around St. Dominic's play yard in Lakeview feels sweeter with fireworks brightening the sky and running partners like Porn Chef, Ms. Shootz to Kill, their kids, and Chef spawn.
Uh, huh, huh, parlez-vous francais. Run Pierre Thomas. All the way.
Our Saints brought us back more than a victory when they touched down in New Orleans just after 2 a.m. this morning. They also brought us back some Fla-Vor-Ice. It was seen melting from their windshields as they crawled past several hundred of us at the airport.
Gregg Williams likes it when fans imitate his "suck it" chop. He was laughing like a kid while driving by in his car at the airport when Porn and I gave him a chop salute.
Usama Young stopped his car just past us to take a picture of the crowd.
Jeff Maumus, founder of The Missing 1200, is a genuine nice guy. Finally met him in person while waiting for the Saints to arrive at the airport.

Hey Roddy. Tweet this.

2010-12-27T09:03:00.003-06:00

This stone cold Who Dat recently visited Bistro 649 ... and he filmed this video response to roddywhiteTV:

It's titled, "I stood up and got crunk after Darren Sharper laid a forearm to Roddy's throat and Tracy Porter scooped and scored."

Yuletide Greetings

2010-12-17T13:48:00.000-06:00

to Who Dats.

Yuletide Greetings

2010-12-13T18:01:00.001-06:00

to the Dallas Cowboys.

Ram, Bam, Thank You Ma'am!

2010-12-11T11:39:00.000-06:00

Happy Saintsgiving!

2010-11-24T21:54:00.001-06:00

Supa Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T10:42:00.000-06:00

Texas-sized Turducken

2010-11-24T08:15:00.003-06:00

It's turducken time in Jerry World! And The Entity, Ms. Shootz to Kill, Dirty Denim & Diamonds, the Porn Chef, and Chef Who Dat from Cafe 641/Bistro 649 are descending upon the Death Star. We'll enjoy this one.

C-Hawk to B-Sting!

2010-11-20T20:13:00.002-06:00

Day Jobs

2010-11-10T13:23:00.003-06:00

Nice calendar.

Volume Warning

2010-11-10T13:19:00.001-06:00

Nice shirt.

Who Dat Fright Night Feast

2010-10-31T10:44:00.000-05:00

Tomlin Twice-Bitten

2010-10-31T08:09:00.002-05:00

From the Pittsburgh injury report:

Mike Tomlin: questionable; zombie bite

It's Time!

2010-10-30T21:28:00.002-05:00

Also, lock up your daughters.

A Cleveland Steamer

2010-10-26T11:20:00.003-05:00

Turns out this drink did get served on Sunday.

Chef saw it unfold before his very eye:

It looked like this:

Photos: Ms. Shootz to Kill

The James Harrison Memorial Hair of the Dawg Game

2010-10-21T16:09:00.002-05:00

Time to start the drinking early this week, Bistro patrons. Get your liver loose for 40 oz. of remember me shots!

Kot*b /kawtbee/ verb

2010-10-16T10:45:00.002-05:00

to pinch a Super Bowl MVP on the ass in an attempt to gain his attention, with the apparent lingering effect of diminishing the target's offensive production some seven months later (When Drew ignored her, Hoda kotb-ed him.)

Thanks Hoda.

"She goes, 'Pinch his butt!' I looked at her, and she said, 'Just go get it.'

"I was like, 'I'll get it. I'll get some of that.' "

And so she did.

"He first kind of whipped his head around and goes, 'What the hell was that?' " Kotb said. "Then he saw his baby and saw Brittany and the guy melted. It was amazing."

What? You've got better explanations?

No 3-2 worries in the Bistro, though, cuz the Bistro's got fire, Bistro's got fire.

A Cool Brees Beats a Spayed Cat

2010-10-02T13:08:00.002-05:00

Scrubbin' & Rinsin'

2010-09-28T10:35:00.003-05:00

So Fresh, So Clean
(available at fleurtygirl)

Time to scrub, rinse, and re-hydrate. Anything to get the fowl smell of the Dirty Bird out of the Dome. This week, the Bistro will bath exclusively in NOLA Hopitoulas Beer Soap to do the trick. We'll also boycott

Keeping Score

2010-09-27T13:00:00.020-05:00

The Superdome scoreboard still reads 27 Bird Brains, 24 Saints, but based on a quick count of yesterday's pre-game and in-house festivities, the Who Dats won going away. This ain't no moral victory. This is a reminder of "what it means." And while I completely understand the need to jump in a car and drive the depressing eight hours back to ~~hell~~ the ATL, the flood of Dirty Birds exiting the Upper Terrace of the Poydras endzone before Broken Hart lined up his shank was telling. Telling of life in a great American simulated city.

Sour grapes, Chef? Perhaps.

But, then again, this visual evidence suggests how real we kept it in and out of the seats of the Dome on Sunday. Enjoy the photographic stylings of Ms. Shootz to Kill:

New Season, Same Drama

2010-09-24T13:22:00.001-05:00

Don't Be Tardy for the Party!

2010-09-22T18:18:00.002-05:00

New season, same drama. Just another work week for your World Champion New Orleans Saints. But down in the ATL, Bravo TV captured dirty birds Matt Ryan, Tony Gonzalez, Michael Turner, and Roddy White in all their pre-game housewife flair.

Looks like another Real Housewives of the ATL menu for Sunday. Post menu suggestions at your leisure.

The Bird

2010-09-21T10:27:00.003-05:00

When the semi-Real Housewives of Atlanta return to the Sacredome on Sunday, the biggest question is whether the Benson Towers will do the right thing and distribute what would be the most sought after Dome give-away ever: costume jewelry replica Super Bowl rings.

Imagine it, Tom.

70,000+ blinged-out birds being flipped simultaneously in the direction of the Falcons bench.

Oh, yeah. The menu board is open.

Dempsey Intervenes, Sacred Hart Shines

2010-09-21T10:14:00.003-05:00

RicknGentilly provided the foreshadowing for a 2-0 start with the following footwear comment, posted days before Sacred Hart defeated the San Francisco Swirling Crosswinds:

fun fact: one of tom dempsy's shoes is hanging from the ceiling of the absinthe house bar on bienville and bourbon.

my wife used to bartend there and every time i would stop in to say hi to her i would find myself staring at that relic from my childhood.

i know when mr tony sold the biz to jobert some one took down a bunch of the helmets from the ceiling and replaced them with replicas.

there was no replica for mr dempsy's shoe so it went back up.

one more fun fact: the heirs to the spainards who owened that property during spanish colony times still get a roality check once a year for the use of their property.

rickngentilly.

The 649 Bistro response to this historical nugget?

After Sacred Hart-ley goes 4-4 tonight into a swirling Candlestick wind, I plan a toast to Dempsey's hanging shoe at that very spot.

So, in the larger Who Dat cosmos, this suggests a Tom Dempsey half-a-foot toast at the very locale he watched the Super Bowl back in February.

Details will follow.

Fisherman's Wharf, Hide Your Seals

2010-09-20T14:50:00.001-05:00

The hunters are coming ...

38

2010-09-20T14:21:00.005-05:00

649 Bistro Ladies Man

(dialing up a 38-point victory over the 49ers to celebrate his 38th birthday)

Today marks the 38th birthday of a Cafe 641/649 Bistro staple, our very own adult industry chef. We believe that one day, the offspring of this mild-mannered porn star will look back on this year and label it thus: the year of the Porn Chef!

We offer this small tribute, a list of every Who Dat to wear the #38:

38
Phil Vandersea (LB) 1967
Tony Baker (RB) 1968‐71
Bill Butler (RB) 1972‐74
George Rogers (HB) 1981‐84
Calvin Nicholson (CB) 1989,91
Donovan Greer (CB) 1997
Usama Young (CB) 2007
Greg Fassitt (CB) 2009‐

footnote: Visual evidence suggests a direct lineage between former Saint Phil Vandersea and Porn:

Footnote 2: Or perhaps Bill Butler.

Chicks Win Catering Contract

2010-09-16T16:40:00.003-05:00

The prodigious Chicks in the Huddle earned the Bistro/Cafe away-game catering contract this afternoon with an impressive culinary audition that featured Crusty Softshell Crabtree and Melted Gore Smores. Chef will now spend his free weekend cooking up a 40-burger. Points on the board, ya'll.

Fundraising Footwear

2010-09-16T10:20:00.005-05:00

Not since Tom Dempsey has the 649 Bistro/Cafe 641 community been so excited about footwear. Catholic Charities is coordinating a decorated shrimp boot auction to raise money for its BP Oil Spill Relief Fund. While this is probably already rigged to favor prominent, boot-bearing Who Dats, a $5 raffle ticket is worth a shot at one of these:

Hands off this one. It's for the Chef!

A Two Dat Recipe

2010-09-14T08:11:00.007-05:00

26 Mustache Riders +

A Black & Gold Teletubby + a Chef + a Ring Master + an Adult Film Star +

a Pre-game Phone Call to Brad Childress +

Voodoo Pants on the Ground =

Owned!

*thanks to Carol for another batch of gris gris!

Back for Seconds, Favre from Finished

2010-09-08T23:03:00.000-05:00

Helga Hats Meet Hip Hop

2010-09-08T13:37:00.003-05:00

I wanna party with these people. Or at least get my ass kicked in a round of Madden 11. Because that's where the real champion is crowned.

h/t Homan for scouring the snowy internet plains of Minnesota for this magic.

Predictions

2010-09-07T13:33:00.002-05:00

Grandmaster Wang reminds us that we all have our predictions, our desires. Wang has a particular desire to see Reggie

"pointing at the chump who's eating his dust as he crosses the goal line, only with a different finger this time."

Me?

I want to see Gregg Williams lead the defense out of the tunnel on a black and gold stallion twirling a rope lasso attached to a pair of charred Wranglers.

That would be nice.

Dear New Orleans,

2010-09-07T12:49:00.011-05:00

Thursday, everything changes. The Superdome lights dim. A banner drops. The Who Dat nation is transformed.

From pitiful to powerful. Long-suffering to non-suffering. Wannabes to wildebeests.

But don't kid yourself, New Orleans Saints fans. This won't be easy. We've been lovable losers for a long time. After 43 years below sea level -- literally and figuratively -- it can be dizzying to suddenly find yourself cheering from such lofty heights. Seventy-thousand people fainting will not create the hostile environment Coach Sean Payton is counting on when the Minnesota Vikings come to town for Thursday's nationally televised, prime-time kickoff to the 2010 National Football League season.

So it's important to get your mind right. The Aints ain't dere no more. We are now officially fans of the (ahem) Defending Super Bowl Champions. And we must prepare ourselves accordingly.

Herewith, five tips to ease your transition to the new Who Dat normal.

1. Don't change your underwear.

Or your socks, your shoes, your shirt, or anything else you wore on Feb. 7, 2010. Whatever game-day routine you followed for the playoffs and Super Bowl, follow it again. Same pre-game meal. Same parking spot. Same seat on the sofa. Same spouse -- if you were divorced during the off-season, I'm sorry, you have 48 hours to reconcile.

And for the last time, if you chew gum, it's Juicy Fruit, not bleepin' Spearmint!

2. Parade after the season, not before.

With all due respect to the NFL ... a victory parade for a team that is 0-0? Really? Isn't that like going on your honeymoon before the first date?

Nice gesture, but the reality is that on game day, True Dats only want to be one of three places: in front of a TV; inside the Dome; or outside the Dome, wishing they were inside.

Same goes for the pre-game concert in Jackson Square. Nothing against Taylor Swift and the Dave Matthews Band. It's just that these sorts of slickly produced, made-for-TV concerts, with their carefully rehearsed audiences and crowd control wristbands, lack some essential New Orleans mojo.

We're not a follow-the-script kind of town. We're an onside-kick-to-start-the-second-half-of-the-Super-Bowl kind of town. Do something crazy and unexpected and let a little magic happen. No wristbands required.

Better idea: TiVo the festivities and join the impromptu parade up and down Poydras Street, where you'll probably find some old guy with a trumpet playing "When the Saints Go Marching In" while strangers in Saints jerseys dance like lovers on the sidewalk. It's hard to imagine Taylor Swift's new single topping that.

3. Be nice to Paw-Paw (not).

Trust me, my smack-talking brethren, I know how tempting it is to make wisecracks about how Brett Favre is the only NFL player who wears a Depends jockstrap, how the federal government agreed to refund his entire 2010 salary to the Vikings as part of the Cash for Clunkers program, how he wears a tiara in the locker room so his head coach remembers to genuflect, etc.

But that's not Super Bowl Champion talk. That's Sore Loser talk. That's almost as bad as, "No fair! You hit our quarterback too hard!" Or, "Wait a minute! Our quarterback didn't get to play in overtime, you need to change the rules!"

We're better than that. Brett Favre has never done anything to deserve an ungracious welcome from New Orleans Saints fans. He's a warrior (diva), and a Hall of Famer (in the Drama Queen Hall of Fame). We should greet him with all the respect he deserves (boo him till your lungs melt).

And as soon as the referees start treating him like a Faberge egg, making "blow to the ankle" a 15-yard penalty, flagging every defender who so much as breathes hard on his Pennzoil-injected joints, and otherwise indulging seven months of the Viqueens' whiny-baby roughing-the-geezer complaints, let him really hear it.

4. Ignore the cliches.

You know what I'm talking about -- the talking points that coaches and players trot out after a big win to help them keep it real. These directives do NOT apply to us.

Cliche No. 1: "Forget about last season."

Why? So we can remember the Russell Erxleben era?

The memory of last season is the cure for a 40-year case of football fatalism. "Here we go again" is now, "Hey, no problem." "Wait till next year" is now, "Wait till the next play." "I can't bear to look" is now, "Cool. We got this."

Bagheads are then. Super Bowl rings are now.

Never forget.

Cliche No. 2: "Act like you've been there before."

This is how coaches keep exuberant players from getting carried away, but it doesn't apply to New Orleanians. There's no excessive celebration penalty for cities; if there were, they'd have shut this place down centuries ago.

Les bons temps rouler is in our DNA. We're genetically incapable of acting like we've been there before. If we approached these moments with more restraint, more circumspection, more maturity, we'd be ... Minnesotans.

So, if some killjoy starts blabbing about how "even if we win another Super Bowl it'll never be as special as the last one," just tell him this:

True love always feels like the first time.

And then invite him to see for himself on Sunday, Feb. 6, 2011, at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas, site of Super Bowl XLV.

5. Blow the lid off the joint.

Just like we always do. Because some things should never change.

Two Dat, baby.

Black & goldly yours,

Mark Lorando, Who Dat

Revision: For our readers who might have missed it ... "As originally published in the New Orleans Times-Picayune"

Let's Talk About Chicks

2010-09-07T12:37:00.003-05:00

Chicks in the Huddle are taking the NFL by storm.

First, a Super Bowl appearance.

Then, a partnership with Mike McKenzie's 34 Ways Foundation for a tailgating party on Thursday night.

And now there's talk of NFL credentials? Go ahead Mother Hen and Nola Chick!

Nola Chick
(posing with a dirty 'stache and the Real Housewives of Atlanta)

Ya Heard!

2010-09-07T08:34:00.000-05:00

"For them it's the very next game. For us, we had another one after that."

- Jon Vilma, World Champion linebacker

Dan Hampton Leaves Corps, Joins Vi-Queens

2010-09-06T08:48:00.003-05:00

The Minnesota Vikings announced yesterday that Chicago Bears Hall of Famer Dan Hampton will join its team in a front office public relations role after Hampton resigned from his position at the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.

Hampton has been on the Nordic radar since this:

"The Vikings need to go down there and hit that town like Katrina."

Lombardi Leftovers?

2010-09-06T08:43:00.003-05:00

This is not Detroit, man!

But it is time to pitch ideas for the annual resurrection and burial of Lord Pants on the Ground.

The menu board is open through Wednesday morning.

Our Time

2010-09-05T12:09:00.002-05:00

The end result of an epic mustache ride?

a blessed door to the Dome

Much love to all the mustache riders and the gracious hosts at the Bulldog, Mid-City Yacht Club, Finn McCool's, and Handsome Willy's. We'll post a summary soon.

3rd Annual Dash for the 'Stache

2010-09-02T08:18:00.007-05:00

What ya need:

Black & gold bikes
Mustaches (to be blessed/affixed at the Superdome)
Functioning liver

Who to thank:
The original Cafe 641 Cocktail Chef (Ms. Jeanne Vidrine) for piecing together our route & schedule.

The Vieux Carre Hair Shop for selecting the Super Bowl XLIV-winning mustache back in August 2009. Vieux Carre Hair Shop, the official lip-sweater provider of the Dash for the 'Stache. Stop by to pick up your mustache and tell Lynn that Chef sent ya.

The hairy details:

10:30 - 11:30 a.m. Buddy D. gravesite service (contact Chef for location)

11:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m. Mid-City Bulldog

And at 12:30 p.m. we roll to ....

Mid-City Yacht Club

Liuzza's

Finn McCool's
Sacredome Gate A

Take These Broken Wings

2010-08-31T09:54:00.002-05:00

Baby, I think tonight we can take what was wrong and make it right!

I Will Be Your Friend, Norseman

2010-08-30T10:10:00.001-05:00

Bon Voyage Vi-Queens

2010-08-26T09:07:00.003-05:00

If you missed the Mall of America kick-off to a season long celebration of 50 years of Vi-Queens, I strongly advise you bring yourself up to speed on this storied franchise with Moose Denied's in-depth reportage:

"The lightning strikes the hull of the Drekar longship, which proceeds to burst into flames and sink to the bottom of the Nordsjøen."

'Staches on Wheels

2010-08-26T08:16:00.002-05:00

Cafe 641's 3rd annual Dash for the 'Stache hits the streets on Saturday, September 4, pedaling from the Mid-City Bulldog to the Dome for the annual blessing of the mustaches. Time to tune up your bike and pick up a helmet. Therese is sure glad she did:

Saturday, September 4
12 p.m. start at Mid-City Bulldog
Stops include:
Buddy D and Dave Dixon gravesites
Mid-City Yacht Club
Finn McCool's
Liuzza's
Superdome Gate A
Champions Square
... and other bars tba ...

T-P Columnist: "Favre on the Ground!"

2010-08-19T08:20:00.003-05:00

Seems like the indomitable spirit of the Roofbanger has rubbed off a bit on some of the media types whose new Sacredome press box now occupies those 1200 seats removed during the off-season. That's a good thing because the Cajun Cannon can't be the only one banging press box roofs.

Kudos to T-P columnist Jeff Duncan for his journalistic "pants on the ground" shots at Brett Favre:

But unless you're wearing purple-colored glasses, the only remotely cheap shot I could see would be McCray's late hit at the end of the reverse handoff. In fact, there were a couple of times Saints defenders had chances to waylay Favre in the pocket, only to pull up or slide by him at the last instant. . . .

The pass was so bad there were only two rational conclusions to be rendered from it: Farve gambled because he either (a.) physically couldn't run; or (b.) cowardly wouldn't. Either way, the Saints defense had successfully delivered its message. . . .

There might be "Favre rules" in Eden Prairie, Minn., but they don't apply in New Orleans.

Rings for Roofbangers

2010-08-14T13:13:00.003-05:00

Cafe 641 unveiled it's Super Bowl XLIV ring design earlier this week courtesy of the design team at Saintseester, which was chosen over Tiffany & Co. Enjoy:

Giant Mushroom in the Sky

2010-08-09T10:00:00.003-05:00

Patron Saint of the Sacredome
(Photo: Judi Bottoni, AP)

David F. Dixon, the driving force behind the concept and construction of the Louisiana Superdome and the father of professional football in New Orleans, died this morning, his son David Frank Dixon Jr. said. (Marty Mule, T-P)

Peter Finney offers these eulogistic thoughts on what might not have been without Dave Dixon "passing our way:"

"Would there be such a football team as the New Orleans Saints?"
"Would that giant mushroom be sitting today on Poydras Street?"

To those, I add:

Would there be a roof to bang? A wall to dirty?

Finney recalls a Galatoire's dinner he attended with Buddy D., Vince Lombardi, and Dixon, where Dixon gets to preaching on the virtues of New Orleans professional football:

When Dave finished, the Green Bay coach laughed out loud. He pounded the table with his fist. "Mr. Dixon, I'm ready to suit up and go out there and play. Dammit, after hearing this pep talk, I think you missed your calling. You shoulda been a football coach.''

And the ringing endorsement of Louisiana Governor John McKeithen, whose prescient appraisal of the Sacredome sounded like this:

Dave, that's the greatest building in the history of the world. And, by God, we're going to build it.

Mr. Clio and Jeffrey pay their respects.

A funeral mass will be said Wednesday at 12:30 p.m. at Holy Name of Jesus.

Casting Call

2010-08-08T11:50:00.010-05:00

It's never early to answer the Roofbanger's casting call, as seen here in audition photos from the 2009 Lions Sleep Tonight game. Ms. Shootz to Kill and Porn Chef show why they are a power couple and Junior Nacho demonstrates that he's no stranger to the sprinkler. Sadly, Los Who Dats were not Cafe 641 material; more of a one-hit wonder.

Lil' Sprinkler
(Photo: Ms. Shootz to Kill)

La Bamba
(Photo: Ms. Shootz to Kill)

Industry Standard
(Photo: Black & Gold Teletubby)

Aims to Kill
(Photo: Black & Gold Teletubby)

Sidney D. Torres Training Camp Contract

2010-08-07T08:45:00.005-05:00

Dump Off
(Photo: Bill Haber, Associated Press)

Still steamed over Landrieu's re-bidding of the French Quarter trash collection contract, Sidney D.T. took his steaming pile to Airline Drive on Friday. Torres took his pristine mobile defecation units to Saints practice for an audition in the team's quick hands drill, which was described thus-ly in Saturday's T-P:

Saints tight ends have a unique drill to work on reaction time. The player stands in a portable toilet with the door closed, and after the pass is thrown, a coach opens the door at the last second to provide a chance to catch the ball. Starting tight end Jeremy Shockey demonstrates the technique Friday at Saints camp in Metairie.

Yeah, that happened. Or Shock cut the line for the quarterbacks' port-a-let and Drew was teaching him a lesson. In either case, get ready for the media onslaught: a Google search of "portable toilet Shockey" yields 2,140 results, including a Minneapolis Star-Tribune caption contest and a DeadSpin write-up.

Breakfast of Champions

2010-08-05T10:39:00.002-05:00

(Thanks MtnExile at Canal Street Chronicles, who provides a concise YouTube viewing catalog of XLIV)

A Reading from the Book of Brees

2010-08-03T18:30:00.008-05:00

The Brees-mark appears early (chapter 1, verse 1) and is a candidate for leading character 100-pages into Breesus' memoir. That should be no surprise, since it's been getting mad love since its Boilermaker days.

But a phone call to Nick Satan (chapter 7, verse 107) should receive equal attention:

"You know what, Coach Saban, thank you very much for your time. I appreciate your interest. I appreciate the visit and the invitation to come down there. I'm going to New Orleans." Click.

Thanks to Michael Homan, who gifted me the book under the condition that it would serve as a holy text, highlighted, tagged, and used for responsorial readings during 2010 roofbanging rituals. For example,

Who Dats. We invite you to open the Book of Brees, turn to chapter 8, verse 110, and read the parable of "The Comeback":

"There was hope. And there was life. And no matter how desolate things might appear, if you go deeper, you can feel a strong heartbeat."

Or ...

Let us read the 61st Psalm from chapter 5 of the Book of Brees: "Creating the Edge." "Strengthen thy core. Make it the focal point for your body's operations. It all starts there. The roofbanging position is all about balance: keeping steady in the stands; being able to slide, move, and then still being able to deliver the noise accurately and with velocity."

Blister in the Sun

2010-08-02T11:16:00.004-05:00

Just left training camp where the temperature registered a bearable 93 degrees (if bearable is defined by a Red Stripe and two Budweisers.)

While there was little to no action on our field (except for a youthful looking Jim Henderson in designer flip flops and Thomas Morstead launching a 10-yard punt that may have traveled 5,128 feet into the atmosphere), the following is noteworthy:

Michelle from Saints Rants ranted about Clint Ingram borrowing #55. (Nice to finally meet you, Michelle. You're less angry in person.)
Lance Moore and Darren Sharper both respond well when offered post-practice beer.
Dirty Denim & Diamonds made an appearance at practice to announce his new off-season training regimen. It's dirty. And beer is involved.
Had a heat-related stroke of menu inspiration: A.P. Fumbalaya (Yo Adrian! Hold on to your balls!)

Our Time

2010-07-30T14:57:00.006-05:00

Such a night

(Photo: Black & Gold Teletubby)

I already posted this picture once but as training camp smolders, 19-0 gauntlets are thrown down, and pants are crapped, it's time to remember whose time it is:

And true to their hometown roots, the Saints celebrated their title with the longest after-party in NFL history. -- Jeff Duncan

I didn't know the party was over:

The Real Deal

2010-07-28T10:42:00.002-05:00

Party with a Purpose
(Photo: Ms. Shootz to Kill)

The Real Deal can be seen and heard on the parking garage roof, visiting tailgates to spread the good word of the New Orleans Saints as "the Real Deal." The 2009 signs included:

"There is a reason for this season! You're not wearing that Black & Gold for nothing." and "Ultimate goal: Homefield advantage to the Super Bowl!"

Here, he's throwing down with the Free Agents Brass Band before the Real Housewives of Atlanta game.

Shoes to Fill

2010-07-26T21:21:00.006-05:00

Ain't Dere No More

(Photo: Black & Gold Teletubby)

In Jerry World, they're wondering whether Dezi Arnaz is going to be the next Marcus Colston or just the next T.O.

Here in the Sacredome, we're just trying to make sure that Bobby Hebert understands the shoes he'll be called on to fill this season in his new seats. We're certain that the old Cafe 641 smoker's lounge and chef's table will now be occupied by the WWL press box seats. We call on Bobby to break in his new Upper Terrace press seat by unleashing a Dirty Dog when the Super Bowl XLIV banner drops on September 9.

For instructions, see Gris Gris Man, who is shown below demonstrating a high-flying, roof-banging dog.